I know that I must have and here is the fruition. All my labors have manifested into harmony. My anxiety has quieted. I noticed now it only comes when I dissect my thoughts and worry. I am so good at making things worse than they are because hey, maybe I had too much fun. I need not to beat myself up anymore. It is okay to be happy. That was my journey. To know it’s okay to be happy. I have sabotaged myself with unhealthy relationships, by turning a blind eye to it. Sure, I think I am helping, but all it did was hurt me. I let each and every one of them do it. But yet I came out fine. You can’t help people who want to use you. I can’t do this to myself anymore. But with each one I come closer to knowing what I want. Hey! There’s a thought. I never knew I could choose what I wanted, I always let them choose me. I know what I want and I will have the courage to get it. It’s so silly. I took the long road. I am different. This society is backwards, and they labeled me backwards. I need to write more, like I used to. I used to amaze myself from the words that came out. Now if only I could get back there. I’ve always been the same. I’ve always been that little kid. Because I have less to take away and more to gain. I can now shape myself into who I want to be. I know who that is now. I am funny, smart, caring, and outgoing. I am not shy but I’m working on letting my guard go and learning when to use it. I am learning to be more open to everyone, but that is who I am. I am pretty and I make funny faces. I am a natural. I love myself. I hated myself. The choices I had made led me to failure, but I was being too hard on myself. Due to some belief system I had formed. My road led me here though, what more can I ask for. Since I was a little girl sitting in my room all alone I dreamed of this day to come. I want that little girl to be proud of me. There is no reason why I should have to succumb myself into the transparent self-destructive ways of those I have loved. It is so complex. But it isn’t me. I know I can write about it, at least
(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved)..