Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “vivid dreams”

I’ve Learned You Need Something to Live For

I’ve learned I give my Dad something to live for. Then I realized I didn’t want him to just live but I wanted him to really live. I’ve learned that without the sense of people who care for you we feel we have nothing to live for. Unless we are loved and supported by at least someone in our lives we can’t cope with it. But we have to love ourselves first. In a sense you have to learn these things yourself in order to gain a perspective that allows you to cope with life. You need to learn you deserve love and are worthy and loved. I’ve learned I can’t control people and I’ve learned sometimes if you really love someone, the saying if you can’t beat them, join them, is a good way to still be a sense of hope for someone. For example, even though you don’t always agree with the person, that if you both love each other, you will do your best to cope together in a way that helps the person. For instance, it’s important to let the person live their life the way they want to even if you don’t agree because you want to control the situations. For example, smoking cigarettes when you have cancer or trying to help mediate or re-kindle relationships that have gone bad so that they can have closure in case death were to occur. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but your best. (sometimes it works and sometimes is does not). In my case, it worked! If only for a moment, it really worked.

When experiencing the feeling of losing someone due to illness, addiction, old age, anything for that matter, we often have to learn to let go of control over the situation. Sometimes, when experiencing the feeling of loss, we clam up and run from the situation out of a symptom of running from the fear, itself. We avoid facing the situation and miss out on opportunities to spend time with the people you love when they are ill.

Another thing I’ve learned is there’s not a lot I can do or say but there’s quite a lot I can feel. Trying to stay positive through actions at least. Something about this is inspiring and I think if we all better learned how to cope with death instead of fear or avoid it, that might be the very core of what needs to change in a way. Classes in the subject should be given starting at a timely age. I hate to see him like that but this is what I’ve learned about the bigger scale and we (everyone) struggles with at one point or another. But if were more open to discuss such things our whole lives then we would learn how to better cope and society would benefit as a whole. Before this happened to my dad I thought I knew how to cope with death. It’s not so much the death aspect it’s seeing him in pain and not being able to do anything, more importantly. Which then causes me pain. But I thought we should become comfortable with death and realize that we should be ready for it. Whether we are the one dying or something we love is. We should prepare for death in a manner that becomes the end goal. To be ready to die when you do. To be aligned with all that is true and being okay with it. Then there wouldn’t be so much pain. I’m not saying we dwell on the subject at all, I’m saying we learn and understand it in a manner that is true, so that we will always have that knowledge and be comfortable with the uncertainty. If we would only pull together and care about the truth and come up with one together through knowledge, instead of sweep it under the rug.

To me, my dad’s life is a piece of art and since his illness I have gotten to know the real him, the person I’ve been missing out on all these years. The dad that I remember as a child. And together we cope, sometimes in silence, by just being there together, as our real selves, and liking it. That’s happiness, and the anxiety of losing him stems from my fear that once I get the closest I’ve ever been to him all my life is right when I’ll lose him. But, that is an issue that has arised that needs to be healed due to this occurring in my life. It’s a lot to process at once, but I know he is a fighter and I know he has me to love him. To spend time with him, allowing him to be himself through the process, not trying to control the situation, but just letting him enjoy his daughter through a painful and uncertain process. To give him hope. Overall, life has brought us full circle to learn to understand, forgive, love, and remember what’s important. I’ve learned if all I can do is be a coping tool in which I am there for him, then that is what it will have to be. I’ve learned that gives him something to live for.

The first time he survived cancer, we shortly after, took a family trip to the beach. I was happy he survived and never once doubted he wouldn’t be. Something just told me he would be okay. While we were at the beach I had a dream while I was at the beach and the beach started to sink in and turning to fire, like a spiraling ocean of lava. I told dad that we should probably leave but he said to wait it out. I kept seeing it getting closer and closer with chaos ensuing around me. I kept trying to think of a solution. I saw my best friend and her family and they were getting in their car to go home. I decided to stay with my dad and things kept getting worse, I didn’t want to stick around but I wouldn’t leave either. then the chaos got so close and I knew I was going to die. I had no fear, just little instances throughout the dream but not for long – then as I knew the chaos was coming I thought well if this is what God intend – so be it. Then I thought I’m faster and almost tried to escape one more time when I realized chaos had stopped and cleared up. Then I tried to think of more solutions and the storm kept getting worse. Then we took a boat and started floating down this fast stream and people on rafts were passing us with beers and partying. They were all connected on rafts starting coming the other way. One guy even tried to give me a beer. But I was so serious as I was floating. Then we received a paper already of letting everyone know who died and my name was listed. I think it was spelled wrong. But there was a picture too and words that said things that weren’t true about me. My tattoo was on my head and I was in a tai chi stance. I had the feeling I was misrepresented. But it didn’t bother me all that much. I was confused as to how that happened, but I was still alive. Although they thought I was dead in the storm I was still alive.

–I’ve also had dreams where one of my parents would get cancer and then I would take it for them in my dreams. Then I would have cancer, I think I would probably do that if I could. But it is not mine to take but theirs and for me to do the best I can and let it go and trust.–

A year later and I am just now getting the meaning of this dream. While my dad was sick the first time, I didn’t even live close to him at the time and wasn’t there to help out as much as I would have liked like I can now, so I never saw the severity of it and never doubted his survival. The part of the dream that finds me trying to think of every possible solution to surviving and then failing every time was telling me I can’t control anything because in the end it’s God’s will. As soon as I let go of control over the situation and surrendered because in the dream I really thought that was the end. But before that, I surrendered and let go of control and then the sun came out. Then were floated on rafts having a good time. It’s all in God’s hands anyway. Through this experience I’ve learned to trust in stead of control. And a year later I can apply it because now I am experiencing the feeling of loss and death. My dad wanting to stay in the dream tells me that he is always going to be who he is and if wanted to stay and fight the storm then I trust he will stay and fight cancer. And I will choose to be by his side in the end. Because we all need something to live for. And on the long journey that brought me here, I’ve learned more about myself and others which is a story that shall be told another time.

Throughout my spiritual life, I was able to predict and cope with my father’s diagnosis, sickness, disease, revelations, recoveries, amnesia, prayers, hard times, remembrances, all of it; while keeping myself intact. Abundance overflows.

 

side note/update – My dad, who taught me that you can’t put off the thought of death for the future. you must live everyday as if there is no future at all. i think we forget this and that was his revelation. a reference to the bible he loves so much. but he forgot to grow. grow on the inside. get to know your inner selves everyday, not just when you think its the end. I always knew this in a sense. Sometimes your kids are your biggest teachers and he is realizing it. Sometimes no matter what happens there is love. love prevailed with my dad…….

-It’s funny as kids we look to parents as teachers but as we become  adults we become their teachers. Or they begin to realize we were born to be their teachers.

Then they begin to teach us all over again….now we all understand.

 

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

 

 

I’ve Learned Life Will Give You Warnings

One of the things I have noticed lately about my life is that occasionally I will be given warning signs into whether a decision I made or am going to make is either a good choice or a bad choice for me. There are many things in life that can distract you from your path or let you know that it will be a mistake if you choose to do something you’ve been warned against. Sometimes the messages are clear and other times they need a little interpretation. Sometimes I get the message confused and do not realize it until after I already made the wrong decision and then see that I missed out on a great opportunity to listen to those messages and take heed. I don’t believe it is so much a wrong decision as maybe just a distraction from my true path in life. There are many distractions out there and many instances where our old patterns can take hold and take us places we never thought we’d be in again. I believe if we listen to these warnings and get the message clearly, then we can steer clear from the distraction and heed the warning in order to stay straight on our path. Either way there will be something to learn from it. Sometimes after making a mistake we can forge into a dark night of the soul and come out stronger with everything we have learned and releasing the pain that accompanies it.

For example, I usually get these messages in dreams. Other times, I will have a gut feeling. Sometimes, I won’t even be looking for a message but then will realize it later. Sometimes I take heed and sometimes I don’t and it is too late. Sometimes I know better but continue to do things anyway because I think that I can handle it but in the long run it is detrimental. That is why it is so important to listen to these warnings and analyze them correctly. Then again, sometimes what we think are bad decisions (due to out of date belief systems) can actually open us up to things we’d never learn otherwise. Sometimes what we think are bad decisions can turn out to be the best thing that has happened to you, momentarily. It is important to be patient with yourself and learn how exactly it works for you. In a world where everything is an illusion, in a sense, it can be difficult, but it is possible. That is why I think dreams are so helpful, we are not overwhelmed by the external illusion anymore, so our internal system lets us know, what is it we are not seeing.

Through dreams, usually because something happens in life to trigger the warning sign but I am not aware of it yet, so it manifests through dreams. These dreams are usually vivid and upon waking I know that it wasn’t just a regular mixed up dream of some sort. The message comes with an immense feeling also. That is how I tell the difference. There will be a feeling that accompanies the vivid detail and strange dream. I’ve noticed that these dreams can happen six months ahead of time or even the day before. These dreams can also contain symbolic information that will need interpreted correctly. These have become so common that I cannot deny they exist. Sometimes I will go into denial mode in order to not accept the warning and continue in my delusion. In the end, I just end up hurt and proven wrong. Sometimes this will happen before I even have a warning in waking life. So I began to question the patterns. Truth is, there is no specific way it happens. IT is completely random, i thought. I began to wonder why this happens and if it happens to everyone. I believe mine happen when there is nothing that is happening in my life to warn me. For instance, if a person I am involved with is so good at lying that they even believe it themselves, I would not be able to pick up on that. So, instead, I get warnings through dreams. That is why it is so easy to ignore because I think there is no reason to worry, but it is just because it is so hard to pick up on the thing that will hurt me and derail me from my path in real life. There are no clues for me to pick up on, therefore I can’t make the correct decision and do what’s best for me because I am not aware of it. Hence, the dream warnings.

There are many other ways that warnings come into our lives. It may be an immense feeling like something bad will happen. Not to be confused with anxiety or irrational fear. As humans living in the universe, we can pick up on universal fears through dreams also. These will usually be dreams where natural disasters, fires, plane crashes, or volcano eruptions happen. These are two separate things and there are differences between the two in which I have described. But this is a knowing that something will happen and then it does, not an irrational fear. We must also take responsibility for our decisions and realize that if we keep making the same mistakes we are creating self-fulfilling prophecies and it is no coincidence you thought something was going to happen and then it did. Because you created it through your decisions, by making the same mistakes by not heeding the warnings. Throughout our lives, we accumulate years of experiences that tell us these things. It isn’t some kind of psychic ability or trick. It may stem from survival instincts. Nonetheless, it is an ability that can be honed in on and finely tuned.

I then began to realize I have misinterpreted plenty of warnings in the past and wish I hadn’t. I now know that this is a human ability and a gift. When I look back and see how lucky I was to be given such messages in the first place, I feel like a fool that I pushed ahead anyway. This comes from the desire to be in control. To think we have the tools already to make the right decisions for ourselves, when really our brain processes more than we are aware of consciously. We do know what is best for ourselves deep down. When the warnings come before the actual event happens and before you even know the person or situation, that is when it can get interesting. Because you know you did not have any of that information in the first place, let alone dream about it. But when it comes into fruition, it builds a trusting foundation for future warnings. To know you should pay attention and maybe, just maybe, make the best decision for your path in the future.

Overall, I’ve learned life will give you warnings that will allow you to avoid distractions from what’s important in your life now. I’ve learned these warnings manifest in several ways, mainly dreams. I’ve learned to pay attention to these warnings but not to take them out of proportion. I’ve learned to be patient with myself and sometimes I will not understand the message until after it is all said and done. I’ve learned this happens when we do not have the necessary means in the outer world to understand the decisions we are making due to people lying or when it is not obvious we will be hurt or distracted from this decision. I’ve learned the process from beginning to end. From the first warning clear through the dark night of the soul. I’ve learned this process is getting shorter for me and I am understanding better each time. Although we can get caught up in distractions, we can work through them. It’s not a reason to be discouraged or give up. It’s recognizing what it is that allows us to keep making the wrong decisions for ourselves in the first place and then working on it and changing it for the future. Sometimes, we have to work really hard in the present to have a better outcome in the future.

 

Now I know I did interpret them correctly and tried to warn people. in the moment I understand everything but then other’s people influence create us to doubt ourselves. false prophets steal our dreams and even if they know the future they wouldn’t warn anyone like I would. this is more about other people that got their messages confused at this point. also, it wasn’t universal fears but it was others trying to kill me in my dreams because they were jealous or wanted what I have. It’s a bit of a mixture. I know that now.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

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