Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “nature”

I’ve Learned; Nature

That’s right, I don’t own you

you choose to be with me

The fish choose to

like the cat who found a home

because they see that home in you

they choose to be caught

and all need to live a full life

then choose to fill your cravings

for we do not own anything.

You don’t own anyone

certainly not me

but I choose you

and He just heppened to take notice

trusted my judgement, as poor as yours.

Yet I know I wasn’t owed anything

because we are free

and you don’t own anything,

not the tree, for they should own you.

Destroyers of the old world

where are you now?

Creators of the new world

we are the ones here now.

And we know, we don’t own anything

they are gifts to be bestowed

eyed upon all.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

On my way I walked right through

the water, rocks, and trees,

gazing strictly onward at a steady but wistful pace,

knowing my destination would be a dark room in a cave,

where I was supposed to still see,

all those who loved and understood me.

When I got there I was not scared,

Except I was alone in the dark.

Where were they?

No one loves you while you are alone and in the dark,

yet someone was there, I just didn’t know who.

At first, I felt nothing but apologetic

I’m sorry; on replay, and the aching to go with it.

Tried to visualize family and friends

I still felt, they didn’t love and understand me,

as they materialized; halfheartedly, in front of me.

Then I realized I was thinking

of all the people I loved and understood

not the other way around, because everything is upside down.

In the end, just because you love them

doesn’t mean they love you.

And I could not really believe those I thought of

truly loved me, not like I loved them.

Because I didn’t love me the way I love you.

Then I started to cry because it felt so liberating

yet self defeating…in the dark.

Someone;

that someone who was there…spoke up,

as I asked for help.

I was upset yet willing, and a strong urge for the truth.

I told them to bring it on, that I would keep loving anyway,

that the realization wouldn’t break me,

because I do love and understand myself.

Yet there are no words for how I feel.

I just didn’t understand you, your connection to me, or reason to be.

Then I felt engulfed in an immense feeling of appreciation,

that I should keep doing what I’m doing.

That those people love me the best way

they can and could at the time and that I am never alone.

When I got back to where I started I stopped at the water

and let it take me along with it for a while.

On every venture back the destination seems to become more clear,

so you notice the water, rocks, and trees as you have no place to be,

you always felt certain you were connected to it all,

because if you embrace the fall instead of run or look the other way,

you are born again and you begin to navigate the waters of life

in a way only you can comprehend.

As you navigate you begin to notice despite the rocks and trees,

I really do love and understand you as you love and understand me.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

And the sky opened up
to only reveal its vast array
of possibilities
some known
some coming their way
it opened up
when I realized
to hand all my worries
over to the universe
it’s like the clouds
how they appear
to be a separate world
how I wish
I could see
beyond those clouds
and into that world
it’s like a window
that let the light in
how I love
how they look
like their own world
and when the sun
is behind
and I can’t help
but wonder
what it’s doing
and how it belongs
to that world for a while
but I still want
to wonder
if it looks the same
behind the clouds?
that is where
my worries go
when the pain
accumulates
left with no other choice
but death
death of my soul
my burdens were lifted
into another world
that I can’t quite see
but I know that it’s there
it’s rare
but it is there
the selfless path
that led me here
giving is receiving
but when you are full
you must give it away
all away
to only start again
but each time
is better
than the last
when you find
yourself amongst the selfish
or things unknown
out of your control
nothing external can help
no person or place
can return to you
what has been given
you just have to remember
remember who you are
remember who is
really there
to collect your burdens.

pretty dark. but just because that’s the way it was understood before doesn’t mean that’s the way it is now. and doesn’t mean that’s what I did, personally. kind of evil plans revealed.

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

It’s like focusing on a speck of water
from a waterfall.
Starting from the top
and not betraying it
until it becomes one
with the rest of the water.

And that one speck

needs all those other specks

to make the whole.


They all one by one
converge into the collection
of them all.
Now they are part of
something else after the fall.
They all must fall from the cliff
in order to understand
at the bottom they all meet again.
To only wait for the next cliff
and the next fall.
I fall with the speck every time.
My stomach takes notice
and allows it to flow through me
because I took notice.
Then you are reminded
of beauty and that you too
are that speck,
experiencing the fall
if only you can feel it.

That feeling that you gave me

because I took notice.

All the while knowing

one day

we wouldn’t have to fall

anymore.

 

Copyright Kerrious2014 with all rights reserved.

And they couldn’t believe I existed. That is what stuck out. The way that they looked at me with eyes that became wider and wider with disbelief yet relief. As moments before they were sprinting up the hill until my dog stopped barking when they slowly turned around and paced slowly towards us. As I had to focus on the reality that surrounded me, I heard “They do exist!” As if we both thought it at the same time. They with me and I with them. As it was an instinctual reaction for us all.  I perched up with excitement and they turned the other way. Slowly, they walked instead of ran out of fear. I said to look out for the lights and an understanding ensued.

And it was something they had to see for themselves. Beside a dog that used to bark. Now that dog no longer barks but understands to share the territory. After all, it was theirs too and she knows now. But just like them, I too have to see for myself. They recognized their own but forgot it existed. Even nature needs reminders that others are there. And I see it everyday. Not just from me but like them I had to see it for myself. I am like the deer.

Copyright 2014 Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

What I’ve Learned From the Rose

We even deny roses have thorns when we display them or give them as thoughtless gifts. Because we want to get rid of that which is painful and unpleasant and only see the beauty, the pretty things. But what we do to ourselves when we do such a thing is forget we need both of them in order to have a complete and true rose, to let them have their place out from the stem. We need the painful parts of things and to really see them, in order to get to the beauty. We need the thorns in order to appreciate the rose but yet so often we wish we could have the beauty without the pain, that we can have one without the other. But we can’t possibly, instead we lie to ourselves and pretend it doesn’t exist, going against nature until nature conforms. We deny nature therefore we deny ourselves. We can’t accept everything that we are and the nature of it all. They say it’s unfortunate most roses have thorns but all I can say is I wish to never see a rose without a thorn ever again. Because I resemble that rose, and I need that protection, something to ward off those who wish to grab me up just to watch me die, dry up, and crumble apart. They all instantly want the rose pedals but resent the thorns once they have been pricked. But what did they expect? Their perspective is deceiving, believing just because the rose seems innocent does not make it naive. And they want the beauty without the pain but it does not work that way. They can’t understand they can’t just hold the beauty in their hand without first reaching inside to grab it.They can’t just pick a rose that already bloomed when they themselves haven’t even planted the seed. And they can’t understand just what it took to blossom into those pedals or how something so precious can hurt so bad. But I can. I understand just how much you need those thorns because they’d do anything to take all those pedals away. To devour or admire. To mistake your appearance and good qualities for naivety or that it’s a weakness. Either way they mustn’t mistake my beauty for something they can take for themselves unless they are willing to feel the pain.The same pain that formed the thorns long ago to protect me from those who saw me as something to prey on or from being a display on a table or desk, completely without thorns, for I know my nature. Just as innocent, delicate, and gentle the rose can be is just as strong, bold, and fierce it can be too.

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Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

What I’ve Learned From the Moon

It’s like taking notice of the full moon but then not taking notice again until the quarter moon. Realizing a week had passed and had to be reminded by the cycles of the moon. Realizing I’m not the same as I was just a week ago, barely remembering anything of significance. But that is what I find significant, the weeks that go by without tracking the days. The fact that I lost track of time and space. Allowing the process to just happen without much fuss in between. It was just the right amount of time to forget how small it all is yet we try to feel big. I find significance in lost time and the change it brings. Like the moon, I too, repeat cycles that I don’t notice until much has been done. And a week can pass without my consent, without my knowledge of the subtle changes. I go from being whole then torn in half in just a week. In just a week I can lose half of myself to the darkness. And then it takes another week for it to consume me entirely, which is where I become something else entirely while nothing else can see me, and it’s okay to disappear for while. Maybe that is why they call it the new moon. Then to only resurface a little at a time until I am whole again. And in a matter of a couple more weeks, I will be restored fully and can light up the night sky. And I know this, but each time, it feels new. Like looking at the full moon then noticing the quarter moon, that felt new. Although I knew it wasn’t, each cycle just feels new. Like I am never the same person after each cycle. Maybe that is why it feels new. Maybe the moon never comes back from each cycle the same either. No matter how many times it happens, it is never the same twice. I find these things of significance, in the moon and in myself. How they correlate and how I am forever linked to a celestial object in such a subtle way. The moon never misses a cycle or runs from one, instead it hangs in there and always prevails to become full again. That is what I’ve learned from the moon. To not rebel against my nature but to let it happen, because I know I too, will once again become full and there’s always that chance to become new, if only I can make it through all the other nights where I know I am not. And I do not take anything away from anything else to compensate the parts of me that are hiding in the dark, instead I become one with the process and emerge again in a way that only the moon can understand. Maybe because I watch the moon like most humans watch television. Entranced, absorbed, as if I am right there with it, being it, and doing what it is doing. Maybe it took notice and started watching back. Maybe I became it. Whatever it is, I know that I am it too.

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Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved

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