It’s like taking notice of the full moon but then not taking notice again until the quarter moon. Realizing a week had passed and had to be reminded by the cycles of the moon. Realizing I’m not the same as I was just a week ago, barely remembering anything of significance. But that is what I find significant, the weeks that go by without tracking the days. The fact that I lost track of time and space. Allowing the process to just happen without much fuss in between. It was just the right amount of time to forget how small it all is yet we try to feel big. I find significance in lost time and the change it brings. Like the moon, I too, repeat cycles that I don’t notice until much has been done. And a week can pass without my consent, without my knowledge of the subtle changes. I go from being whole then torn in half in just a week. In just a week I can lose half of myself to the darkness. And then it takes another week for it to consume me entirely, which is where I become something else entirely while nothing else can see me, and it’s okay to disappear for while. Maybe that is why they call it the new moon. Then to only resurface a little at a time until I am whole again. And in a matter of a couple more weeks, I will be restored fully and can light up the night sky. And I know this, but each time, it feels new. Like looking at the full moon then noticing the quarter moon, that felt new. Although I knew it wasn’t, each cycle just feels new. Like I am never the same person after each cycle. Maybe that is why it feels new. Maybe the moon never comes back from each cycle the same either. No matter how many times it happens, it is never the same twice. I find these things of significance, in the moon and in myself. How they correlate and how I am forever linked to a celestial object in such a subtle way. The moon never misses a cycle or runs from one, instead it hangs in there and always prevails to become full again. That is what I’ve learned from the moon. To not rebel against my nature but to let it happen, because I know I too, will once again become full and there’s always that chance to become new, if only I can make it through all the other nights where I know I am not. And I do not take anything away from anything else to compensate the parts of me that are hiding in the dark, instead I become one with the process and emerge again in a way that only the moon can understand. Maybe because I watch the moon like most humans watch television. Entranced, absorbed, as if I am right there with it, being it, and doing what it is doing. Maybe it took notice and started watching back. Maybe I became it. Whatever it is, I know that I am it too.
Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved