Attachment leads to suffering.
One of the most significant and profound occurrences that can be experienced on earth are the connections you make with another human being. Sometimes it’s a quick exchange and other times it is a timeless friendship, a deeper understanding. Whatever the case, it is important to not become attached to those connections. I’ve learned people come and go and will continue to do so for as long as you live. It’s a morbid thought and quite literal when you add the death factor to the equation but nonetheless it is a reality we must have the capacity to cope with. It’s undoubtedly human nature to want to connect with another. Sometimes we just go about it all wrong because it’s not understood what it really means to connect. Sometimes it can be recognized by a feeling, a smile, or glance. But you know when it happens every time it does. Sometimes it is mutual and sometimes it is not.
We’ve all had those relationships in which these instances have emerged. One instance being that maybe you are so afraid to lose someone you think somehow you can control the outcome, thus control the other person. The thought of losing them is equivalent to the aura of death. It resembles not only a physical death but also an emotional death of an idea and all the hopes and love you had shared. It may feel like a waste and you may feel you need to cash in on all that time you spent on them. This is selfish thinking. You cannot control another person no matter how much you want them to make things easier on you.
I’ve learned that those connections are the one thing in life that lets you know you are not alone and that there is meaning behind all the losing and pain. The pain is associated with attachment in which all these ideas you held so tightly aren’t manifesting into reality. It’s disappointing but I’ve learned that it is always okay in the end. Somehow I always manage to move forward trying to do better. I’ve learned that real love for a person comes when you can let go and trust that things happen as they should. I’ve learned to let go no matter how much it hurts to do so.
I’ve learned I never really have loved.
I’ve learned that comes with understanding you cannot control other people no matter how you feel. I’ve learned to enjoy the time you have with the people you connect with and move forward with anticipation for the next meeting while maintaining the knowing people come and go. I once learned that connections are all we have in this world that really means anything, then I realized you must not get attached to those connections. The best you can do is give all you can while in the moment and receive as well. Receiving is giving. You cannot give anything without being open to receiving, whether it is love, friendship, or an acquaintance.
Sometimes I think it is healthier to leave a person’s company and not miss them so much rather then miss them the whole time. I think that is saying you are missing something in yourself in which only the person you are missing can fill. If you are not missing anything internally there wouldn’t be a reason to miss someone so much as you would trust that when you meet again things start right back up where they left off. And it can happen without feeling upset and lonely when they aren’t around. Our memories should suffice in order to crave any “missing” that we may have. Think about all the reasons the person makes you happy, then smile and move on with your day.
It all will become a memory, anyway.
Overall, I’ve learned that the connections we make with others is all we have but the important thing to learn is not to get attached to these connections. That is key because attachment leads to suffering and pain. I’ve learned when you say I love you and hold attachments, then that is not really love. The way you really love someone is if you can just as easily let them go as it is to love them. You cannot control others or the choices they make. If you truly love someone you’ll know because even though you miss them like hell, you’re okay with just letting it be because those moments of connection are enough to get you by. I’ve learned that it’s not healthy to miss someone so much and to place a person on a pedestal with illusions and projections as to how you want them to be. I’ve learned I always see the best in people and sometimes they can’t live up to that all the time. It’s easy to project those feelings onto others but all it does is tear down your self worth. It can tear away at your insides and make you feel hollow. It can eat away at you and make you feel that person took something of yours like your will to live. But if you gave it away so easily and freely, you can get it back.
(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).