Thoughts of Life
All the screaming and the fighting
all the never being good enough
has left a heavy burden on my stomach.
All the I love you’s and the I hate you’s
all the “I’m sorries” and forgiving
has corrupted my image of love.
All the lies and the lies I thought were truths
all the letdowns and pretending to be fine
have caught up to my blistered soul.
All the feelings I keep inside and the times I’d look but wouldn’t answer the phone
All the silence and nights alone
have weighed me down far too long.
All the crazy thoughts and all the magical thoughts
all the tossing and turning and nights without sleep thanks to those thoughts.
All the blurred faces lacking empathy and the damaging insults
all the ones that have turned their backs
have allowed me to know it’s ok, I don’t need them.
All the distance and the ones I let get away
and all the walls I have built along the way.
All the knowing and not knowing
all the contradictions of my existence
have caught up to my fouled up mind.
All the laughter and fake smiles
and the hatred I spent on others.
All the lonliness and no one to turn to
all the pain I didn’t want to hide but had to
can be blamed for the lack of healing.
All the thoughts of suicide and watching my face go pale
all the desperate attempts that have failed
has let me catch a glimpse of death, and I’ll never go back.
(copyright kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).
written in 2006.