Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “life purpose”

I’ve Learned I’ve Got to Stop Running

girl-running
I’m not sure I ever get lost as much as I run away.

I don’t think I am ever really lost or get lost. I more or less just run away. All this time I thought I was lost and couldn’t understand or how it happened or what I could do to stop it. But then I realized all I had to do was quit running. Quit running from myself, my true self. Quit not living up to my potential in order to prevent myself being revealed to me more and more. I can’t just pick and choose when I want to be myself. I can’t keep unconsciously yet purposely finding distractions in order to create madness in my life so that I can escape my excruciating purpose. I’ve got to stop running. There is nothing chasing me anymore. What I am running from can never be out ran because it exists inside me, it is me. And I’m not going anywhere no matter how fast I run or how far or how long or with who. I’m only delaying the inevitable. My true self will always prevail no matter how defiant I become, and I need to accept this. The real me got tired of chasing and tired of warning this person I’ve become. I mustn’t keep running. Sometimes I stop running and turn around, I really do. But I have the tendency to turn back and find a reason to run again. But next time I won’t be so lucky, I may just keep running and if I approach a cliff I’d automatically be willing to jump. If I make it that far there is no hope I’d ever come back. And then there’s no chance I can stop running or reconnect with my true self. I’d have left this world some person I am not all because I couldn’t handle all that I really am in this world where it seems my kind are extinct. All that I am made and meant to do, and I’ve always known this. I know I must do it. It’s clear I have no choice. I must stop running. When I am my true self I just have to reach the edge of the cliff just to see but I know I must stop and turn around and start walking back. The running is over and there is no where else to run. Do I keep running over the ledge or will I turn around? I will always run to the ledge but now it is only I who can stop me from falling. It is only me alone, who can call me back. It is only me who looks over the edge but know I must walk back. I look because I have to. But I do not wish to fall anymore. I come to the conclusion that is not who I really am. So my running is over. And there won’t be a next time. When I get back to where I started from, I will realize I can only keep moving forward and if I look back I will know I’ve stop running a long time ago.

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All images © 2012 Warner Bros. Pictures. Photos courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

Big Heart, Small World

Before it occurs

she knows it will happen

at first she thinks it will not

or it’s impossible

but it’s out of her control

feels like a heavy load

a cross to bare

she just needs that one

to breakthrough

with her

beside her

someone brave

yet afraid

to know that she’s worth it

a thousand times more

than the picture

that has been painted

so much more

than the eye can see

she’s given so much more

than you could believe

depleted her blood flow

making her weak

she tries to speak

knows she shouldn’t react

because it’s too deep

when she does

she reminds herself it’s over

now she waits

for someone to give some back

to her

she found it in herself

but doubts it can be found

anywhere else

When she does

it’s taken away

as if her purpose

is to do so

as if she is forever tortured

for a lifetime

when she realized this

she wept for days

to know can be a curse

at best

she can smile

knowing something big

bigger than herself

exists

while she shares it away

for the good of us all

heartbreaking still

to know

they stole it

and

her life is like this

they come and go

but she still cares

but she can say it’s okay

because a heart like that

never grows old

never grows tired

always repairs itself

to do better

But after it happens

she starts to wonder

why she loves so much

but can’t let herself be loved

because love like hers

can’t be matched

and no one is up

for the challenge

in this small world

all the others

the other big hearts were ruined

far too soon

but not forever.

(Copyright 2014 Kerrious with All Rights Reserved)

I’ve Learned My Purpose

I have noticed we constantly strive to figure out our purpose. Most of us have a deep desire to want to know why we are here. It is a desire, and with that desire nothing good can come of it. Desire is just word but yet it is not what we are aiming for. It is a three syllable word that holds so much weight. It is a word and yet it can be the down fall for many. A simple word such as desire can elude even the most observational. What do you desire? Do you have desires?

Eventually, I began to see that I do not desire much. I am not one to sit and ponder over my desires. I do not desire fame, power, or money. Rather, I think about what it is that makes me, me. I ponder the questions that we all do, but I don’t allow them to dissolve once I have heard the answer. I allow them to materialize and formulate into the missing puzzle pieces I so deliberately cling to. Sometimes it will feel like a game of desire vs. purpose, you will learn how to distinguish between the two. Check out a fellow blogger’s introspection on the topic where she describes it being the higher self vs. ego — http://kundalinidotorg.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/path-of-ego-v-higher-self/

She does great work.

Furthermore,

If i desire anything, it is the truth.

I learned that your life purpose is probably starring you straight in the face. I’ve learned that it is something you have had all you life. I’ve learned that it is the one thing that you think is a curse. I’ve learned that it is why other’s have seen in you in the past. I’ve learned it is something that others may have used you for in the past.  I’ve learned that what you think is a curse is actually what you were born to do. I’ve learned that you are not in control of how it affects the world around you. All you can do is be what you are meant to be everyday and somehow you will see. Somehow you will realize that all is as it should be. Everything you have ever done for another was as it was supposed to be. Because that was your purpose at the time.

I’ve learned your purpose changes as you change. As you grow so doesn’t your purpose. We hold such value and grandiosity to the word purpose. It is not such a big word after all. Because what is our purpose is the most simple aspect of ourselves, that even we, ourselves, have overlooked in the past, that we could chalk it up to being a flaw. We think that our purpose is what has held us back. So, what is your purpose? What is it that attracts others to you?

I’ve learned my purpose is that I allow others to be themselves. To be completely who they are in the presence of another human being.

___________________________________

My gift to the world at this point in time, is that any person can be in my presence and I allow them to be themselves.

There are many other purposes and ways to find them, but that is another story for another time.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

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