Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “goodbye to the past”

I’ve Learned; Goodbye to the Past

written in 2010


You’ve asked for my forgiveness a million times before
Although you weren’t deserving
I thought that you loved me, I thought that you cared
But really it was an illusion.
I smack myself daily as a reminder of the truth
I turned my head in an opposite direction
And let the rest come down to strength

Now the time has come for mending
There’s no drinking down the pain
Or swallowing my soul
I’m going to do it sober
I need the clarity

In the past I have loved you until my belly ached
This time I observed closely and saw what i had feared
All judgment was absent and my mind brand new
In the end I was reminded why they say
Don’t live in the past
And that was all done by you
Thank you

Such a waste of flesh
Mind body and soul
Such a waste of light
You could have been so bright

Okay….

How do I get my head around this
With so much contempt and absence left
How do I mend with such a heavy heart
I never could play the part
Remember when I made you smile
Remember how I made you laugh
In your deepest sorrows
My voice echoed through your veins
And with every misfortune
I gave you my hand
I said the world is cruel and unkind
but what if I was meant to make it shine ?
if not for me than for you
because I don’t believe in anything
if that isn’t true
you said when I was gone
you dreamt of me every night
you’d wake up and think I was by your side
but upon that awakening you were struck with disappointment
to know that I had gone a long time ago
you said you felt me in your arms and that it felt so real
and I just smiled at you and let the silence fill the air/do the talking
maybe all I can be to you is a dream as lucid as it seemed
dreams are what drive the human mind/we long for
so if I were yours you’d have nothing left to dream
as reflection crept near as it has done so many times before
I can’t honestly say
? must it be so late on this clock dangling on the wall ?
I never dreamt of you at all…

and that was a lie because

I did dream of someone.


I cried and said I never kissed anyone the way I kiss him
The tissue kept dry and my tears I wouldn’t hide
My brain began over riding my feelings months ago
Like a ticking bomb
Red or Blue, I could not choose
Life or death hung in the balance
But it was different because it was only my life
And that life I could spare.


Key to my heart

Along the thick grass and wild flowers
Along the trail of our desire
We lured each other at a steady but distant pace
You told me to watch out for a dip in the earth
And I let you protect my balance
As if I didn’t know how
We ventured along the sea of open meadows
As we see the silhouettes of our bodies from the night before
Pressing down the tall grass temporarily
I was dizzy but focused on the stars
The moon was perched next to us lighting up our little lives
I told you I could touch it but it would hide
You told me that you had me and I didn’t believe you
But today our view was of a town quiet
Landscapes of a past present and future
we entered an old house and found treasures of a lost soul
abandoned and desolate, scattered and torn
you asked me if you had my heart and I said I didn’t know
I locked up the key and threw it out a long time ago
I said if you found a key then you can have my heart
You took my words as truth and among the sea of abandonment
You found a key I had not seen
A place I thought I gazed with my wandering eyes
Complacent we stood, a little surprised
I never imagined the look in our eyes
And we were certain it meant something real
A concrete object in the palm of my hands
Something I could grasp
To justify the what ifs and goodbyes
We walked out over the boards with protruding nails
Into the meadow we retraced our steps
Halfway back we had no reason to doubt
and gave into a kiss that would validate our capture


we never asked ourselves if the key fit
and it didn’t fit
and it didn’t fit
truth is there’s a billion keys out there
we were naïve to think it was the key to my heart
but that moment in time kept me alive and hopeful, keeping me in touch with life to keep finding what I was looking for, whatever that may be.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

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