Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “god”

I’ve Learned; God’s Will

It’s like you moved me

away from God’s plan

uprooted my whole destiny

God’s will.

Except he took notice

and became enraged

with the entire world

I always felt like

my life was wrong for me

like I was meant to be somewhere else

anywhere else

with anyone else.

When I realized the darkness

was trying to sway me

into that direction

and took it upon themselves

to change God’s will

they never though

they would get caught.

But I’m here now

and they can’t change that

I still found my way

towards the divine

I still have in me

what he gave me in the beginning.

Just because I scare you

because your intentions are bad

just because I exist

to become so much more

more than you bargained for

more than you gave me.

I want to reclaim my place

I want to punish you

for what you’ve done to me

years of suffering

wondering why

why I never felt right

like I was living a lie

in someone else’s dream

I want to smash your dreams

there is no hope for you

the dark times are ending

and taking you with them.

I sure I surprised you

pulling through in the end

staying true to my soul

while you play games with others

but I still feel sorry for you

there must be something I can do

I turned my back on you

I saw the tricks you tried to play

taking me away

away from my purpose

to fulfill

God’s will.

You’ll just have to deal

with yourselves

and the mess you made

because now he knows

you’ve betrayed us all.

He’s taking back what’s his

his plan was delayed

because of these games you play

why deny the inevitable

why lie to yourselves?

Get out of my realm

you just make it worse

No what thou wilt

is what you do these days

except you forgot and

He’s back to say

you can’t win this way

you can’t change his will

or hurt us

ever again.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

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I’ve Learned; Brain

I feel like my brain

has adapted for survival

like I was brain dead

but brought back to life.

Like an electrical shock

that ran through my mind

to only be revived

because it wasn’t my time.

All my life I’ve fought

for my survival

always clawing my way through

to the other side

because I knew it was there.

The light was bright the first time

taking me with it

while the dark and the light

raged war in my intellect.

No one lost and no one won

we all just forgave each other

as family does.

The second time the light came

I did not succumb

I did not accept my fate

as it was too late

now I wait.

A metaphor for my life

God fighting for my soul

while Lucifer began to like me

as they fought over me.

But I like them both.

It’s because of them

that I live again.

And love can save your soul.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

 

I’ve Learned; Blaming God

Now I know why I started to get mad at God

because when I would talk about him

people would tell me to be quiet.

They wouldn’t believe a word I said

although I was just talking

not forcing them to believe.

I began to be angry

when something I knew was true

was being laughed at

or pushed aside

as if I was crazy.

So I began to think God was crazy

and now I know how it feels

to be him.

I am like a prophet

who can’t be understood

because not even God is understood

not even by me

as I remember now

why I held a grudge.

I’d cry and look up at the night sky

remember why I started to doubt you

because no one ever listened

so I kept it to myself

for you only to reveal more and more

while I felt like I was going crazy.

Now I forgive you

it’s what we both needed to do

forgive each other

and let go of grudges

because now I don’t care

if anyone listens

or if anyone cares

all that matters is that we grow

from all these misunderstandings.

I’m not here to push an agenda

I’m just saying the things

I’ve been wanting to

since I was a little girl.

When I was first shown things

that can’t be explained

but here it would be called a breakdown

a collapse of reality.

That’s fine with me

it can be our little secret

you know I was upset

as I cursed you

for making me this way

when all I wanted to do was be normal

my whole life….

but now I know that’s not how you made me

I am meant to be free

free from being normal

free of resentments and grudges

towards you…

I no longer blame you

or look for signs.

You are within me

forever confined.

 

(Copyright kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

Because when I didn’t want or need to breathe anymore, something else was doing it for me.

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

On my way I walked right through

the water, rocks, and trees,

gazing strictly onward at a steady but wistful pace,

knowing my destination would be a dark room in a cave,

where I was supposed to still see,

all those who loved and understood me.

When I got there I was not scared,

Except I was alone in the dark.

Where were they?

No one loves you while you are alone and in the dark,

yet someone was there, I just didn’t know who.

At first, I felt nothing but apologetic

I’m sorry; on replay, and the aching to go with it.

Tried to visualize family and friends

I still felt, they didn’t love and understand me,

as they materialized; halfheartedly, in front of me.

Then I realized I was thinking

of all the people I loved and understood

not the other way around, because everything is upside down.

In the end, just because you love them

doesn’t mean they love you.

And I could not really believe those I thought of

truly loved me, not like I loved them.

Because I didn’t love me the way I love you.

Then I started to cry because it felt so liberating

yet self defeating…in the dark.

Someone;

that someone who was there…spoke up,

as I asked for help.

I was upset yet willing, and a strong urge for the truth.

I told them to bring it on, that I would keep loving anyway,

that the realization wouldn’t break me,

because I do love and understand myself.

Yet there are no words for how I feel.

I just didn’t understand you, your connection to me, or reason to be.

Then I felt engulfed in an immense feeling of appreciation,

that I should keep doing what I’m doing.

That those people love me the best way

they can and could at the time and that I am never alone.

When I got back to where I started I stopped at the water

and let it take me along with it for a while.

On every venture back the destination seems to become more clear,

so you notice the water, rocks, and trees as you have no place to be,

you always felt certain you were connected to it all,

because if you embrace the fall instead of run or look the other way,

you are born again and you begin to navigate the waters of life

in a way only you can comprehend.

As you navigate you begin to notice despite the rocks and trees,

I really do love and understand you as you love and understand me.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

And the sky opened up
to only reveal its vast array
of possibilities
some known
some coming their way
it opened up
when I realized
to hand all my worries
over to the universe
it’s like the clouds
how they appear
to be a separate world
how I wish
I could see
beyond those clouds
and into that world
it’s like a window
that let the light in
how I love
how they look
like their own world
and when the sun
is behind
and I can’t help
but wonder
what it’s doing
and how it belongs
to that world for a while
but I still want
to wonder
if it looks the same
behind the clouds?
that is where
my worries go
when the pain
accumulates
left with no other choice
but death
death of my soul
my burdens were lifted
into another world
that I can’t quite see
but I know that it’s there
it’s rare
but it is there
the selfless path
that led me here
giving is receiving
but when you are full
you must give it away
all away
to only start again
but each time
is better
than the last
when you find
yourself amongst the selfish
or things unknown
out of your control
nothing external can help
no person or place
can return to you
what has been given
you just have to remember
remember who you are
remember who is
really there
to collect your burdens.

pretty dark. but just because that’s the way it was understood before doesn’t mean that’s the way it is now. and doesn’t mean that’s what I did, personally. kind of evil plans revealed.

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

While I roam
I feel you with me
While I am stagnant
I feel you leave me

I am the one
who chooses
if you stay
or if you go.
But you never left
you choose
to come or go
and when to
and not to.
That shows love
unconditional love.

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

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