When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “freewriting”

I’ve Learned; Universal Donors

Universal Donor; are we?

Universal Pride!

Laid in the hands of what was left,

fighting like rats?

You in the corner? or we who are free?

Like rats backed into a corner

scratching the surface

too afraid to move

Yet willing to die instead, you were.

But you forgot and I don’t blame you

Just stop digging is all I ask.

Everything’s gonna be okay.

Universal flight

universal sight

and my love for you is infinite

just like your might

just like you, my favorites

universal donors yet universal truth

Please don’t be afraid, I Love you……

For I feel in love with humans

and all the secrets they hold

especially from themselves

and how they do it so well

and how I am not like them but I Love them.

What’s in the blood

They can’t take my blood


of my own design

good deeds unnoticed,

while others take the credit

silly people with even sillier brains.

(copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Crazy

I ain’t running

Running, Running, Running

Keep that train coming

but they can’t seem to find me, anywhere

Here I am I thought

inside here, this human flesh

I’ve been in for years but they can’t seem to find me

because they haven’t found themselves

So alone I wait and pace and pace

while you alone call me crazy

when everything’s been upside down

Now I love when they call me crazy

as I no longer need to fear

cause now I see it was you, not me

as they no longer call me crazy.

(copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

Introduction; Breathing in Space

Start of a short story I wrote about being able to breath in space

He was considered an intelligent man yet he could not quite put his finger on what he was about to attempt. He went through years of training but could not quite grasp the meaning behind this mission. He sat quietly on the porch with his full attention focused on the stars. He was breathing shallow breathes into his lungs while trying not to let his anxiety take over. He knew he was small but could never quite accept we are all small. He studied the universe and all of its mysteries but he could not quite wrap his finger around his anxiety encompassing his soon to be mission. He prepared for a journey but he had not yet pictured it as a reality. All of his dreams were coming true in just a few hours but yet he felt unfulfilled. He felt numb and void of any earthly attachment. The moment was sinking in that soon he would never be the same. He knew that this moment is why he pursued this as his career in life. Ever since he was a young child he knew what he wanted to be. He knew it sounded cliché but that didn’t stop him from realizing its potential. Besides, he was most likely doing it for a far more different reason than any other young boy. Every night he would look up at the stars and wonder with all of his youthful imagination could conjure up. Nights that would consist of wars in space, spaceships moving at the speed of light, dying stars forming black holes and nebulas, constellations constantly being renamed by the scientist Harvey Monroe.
Meanwhile, he was not sure what it was yet, but something inside him that night was making him feel uneasy. He had trained vigorously for years. Not only with his nose in books but also physically tested to his limits. He was a man who had been tailored to fit NASA’s standards. He went with the program and was ready to apply all that he learned. He was a handsome man, yet something about him gave him an approachable look. Maybe it was his light brown eyes that always lit up whether he was just entering a room or in deep thought. Maybe it was his gentle nature and his ability to make you feel at ease. But tonight he did not feel at ease. All of his research could not prepare him for what he was about to embark on. It could be his first adventure or his last adventure. He knew this, but still he did not think twice about being the first. In his mind, he was the first in many categories. He was the first to earn a (scientific award). His summers were spent at the university in the city or at the public library. He attended (university) where he graduated with a degree in (). He attended conferences and seminars by the most pronounced figures in the field. He was open-minded and always tested his and others’ logic. He didn’t settle for answers just because someone else said it. He came to his own conclusions. That to him was a great accomplishment and a first not only in his studies but with his family and community in which he came from.
Tonight he sat on the very porch in which he was raised. He never felt ashamed of where he came from but growing up on that farm with such a wondrous view above him made the twenty acre farm seem so small. He never felt burdened by the chores he was given because it was in those times that he made the most out of his situation. He kept a telescope on the hill he had purchased at a local thrift shop owned by his only friend at the time, Leo, who kept it especially for him. It was dropped off anonymously one morning along with a radio, microphone, and some other pieces of random objects. On Harvey’s 8th birthday Leo surprised him with it. Leo would tell Harvey, “You never know until you see it!” Sometimes Leo was more excited than Harvey. With every finding or new discovery Randy would make sure and tell Leo the very next day. Leo would always listen with good intent only encouraging him to come back with more news, always leaving Harvey with his message “You never know unless you see it!” Although Harvey was not discovering anything new, it was new to Harvey and that is all that mattered at the time. He had only seen it in books until now. Leo became Harvey’s closest friend.
It became hard for him to have close friends around this age because he was always off in his own universe. His former friends were now throwing baseballs and jumping fences( ). Although he still saw them at school he was still always in his own world. His father, distant yet well adjusted(description( did not support his decision as his father felt he needed to learn the way of the farm. Although Randy had exceptional grades and test scores for his age, his father’s values did not sit well with the idea of his pursuing an education. His father had always meant well but he was set in his stubborn ways and would eventually support him. So Harvey kept things quiet and Leo became the one person he could rely on. His passion ran so deep that he was willing to live a discrete life without friends or family recognition. Harvey’s mother, attentive yet calm(description) secretly knew what he was up to but thought of it as a necessary escape for a child. Every once in a while when she knew what Harvey had come back from doing she would smile slightly with the warmest heart felt touch.
Eventually, he could not settle for living as though it was the only place he would be for the rest of his life. He thought if the creation above him exists then he wanted to know everything about it. What is it? At first it started with the imagination of a child but as he grew to learn more and more he realized that his imagination was not far from the truth. It wasn’t only the curiosity that was soothed through his time star gazing, but the feeling it gave him. Most people get the feeling of being so small in such a large spectrum, but not Harvey. He felt more alive and hopeful looking up than he would ever feel in his entire life. It was the feeling he felt and the knowing that he had to answer his questions that kept his moving forward with each unanswered question. Even so he knew what it was like to have ideas rejected because they seemed so ridiculous to the minds that create our science books. He considered that maybe that may be playing a part in his unease tonight. He was going up there to prove something to everyone who had ever said his ideas were absurd out of fear of being rejected by the scientific community. Randy was not afraid of rejection, he was afraid of the truth being rejected. He learned a long time ago after numerous failed attempts to suggest possible theories to keep them quiet. Ultimately he knew he would not be taken seriously if he did not admit fault and pretend to forfeit his ideas. He saved them all up to only add significant detail to each and prove the theory to be stronger and stronger. Not surprisingly, he was saving his most shocking idea for this mission. His one chance to finally put them all to the test was approaching and he was only filled with ecstasy, yet there was one subtle question lurking and making its way to his thoughts fast.
He spent many nights on that very same porch searching for answers but tonight he was not getting the answer he wanted. He may be doubting himself which he had every reason to. Other men have gone before him but not to his specific destination. A place only thought of as an afterthought until recently. Although his research appeared to be flawless and logical there was always that chance that everything may not be what it seems after all. He always kept this in mind and nevertheless, he needed to base his findings on the reality in which he was given. What if he got up there and everything he ever knew ceased to be true? What if different rules applied up there? What if everything he or anyone ever discovered down here on earth was abandoned as illusions in space? These questions lingered as he tried to quiet his mind. He needed all the mental capability he could muster right now. He realized it would only get him in trouble as it had done so many times in the past with his peers and professors. So he put those questions to rest as he realized his night was coming to an end. Tomorrow he would become someone different but stay the same. He longed for this moment but as the moment came is as fast as it went. Tired from letting his imagination run rampant as if he was that little boy again starring out into space as he had on that very same porch, he realized how far he had come. As he closed his eyes alongside a deep breathe, he saw earth from afar as if sitting on the moon instead of his porch, while his vision remained intact he only had to readjust his eyesight a couple times before coming to terms with the realization that he was in space, as if waking up early in the morning, and that was enough for Harvey and he was put at ease.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). written in 2012.

I’ve Learned; Dreamer

I do not have writer’s block,

I am just scared of what I’d find.

Millions of unanswered questions and thousands of solutions.

Finding the positive in even the worse situations.

How can I be like this?

I took it all and made it something grand.

I took all your flaws and told you you were a man.

I was lying to myself first and then to you.

I didn’t want to puncture this picture I drew.

I let you in and hated that fact.

I didn’t want to turn back.

I had done it before, a dozen times before.

Never thought you’d be the one to betray me.

No matter what I do I just can’t win.

I lost it all before and this time it’s okay.

I knew all along and should have listened to my instincts.

Why do I attract the likes of you?

They say it’s because I’m a good person and parasites need to feed.

But I absorb myself into love so much that I think that it’s me.

I hope you could see. I hope I could just be me.

I hope I can remember this feeling forever.

I am alive. I am happy.

My soul has been made intact and how that happened, I really don’t know.

Something happened in a year to make me feel whole again.

Yes, sometimes I get sad and lonely, but I know it’s for the best.

I have learned so much and can only feel more.

I am not crazy, not by your terms.

I tried to label myself for too long.

I am evolving. Why me? It’s out of my control.

Maybe I made the decision years ago.

It has been so long since I’ve wrote anything. I am tired of holding it all in. but honestly I have nothing to write. That is the scary thing. I am changing. I do not know why. I want to write. But I dream instead.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). written in 2013. mapping out my awakening in order to help others find their way.

I’ve Learned; Mind Control

Down on my knees
Begging God please
I know that you are there
I just know that you are
It’s different now
You aren’t the same
You opened up to me
I was there to see
Still this anger resides
In the back of my mind
I blame it on myself
Instead of everyone else
You let me in and let me live
I am aware now
I was in pain
Trapped inside this flesh of a girl
Who longs for love and love in return
I know I have all the love in the world
And to feel less alone
I believe others are out there too
Who could love like me
I gave it my all
Down to my core
No matter how much I hurt
I will always pull through.
Now this writing is shallow
Because I repress the pain
I really want to scream
But I sang in the shower instead
I was to think negatively
But only positive words appear
I want to strangle myself
But I am just too hard on myself
When did it become this game
This game of lies
I can’t sort through them all anymore
I know I am the truth
and that keeps me going
I can’t keep doing this to myself
This writing is so shallow.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). written in 2012 during a terrible job , how easily the vulnerable can be manipulated into thinking they aren’t good enough.

I’ve Learned; Techonology

I remember in third grade, the teacher put on a movie and everyone was so entranced. i was only interested with the fact everyone was entranced and staring at a screen like it was the best day of their lives. I looked around and noticed I was the only one who wasn’t watching the movie. I thought that was weird to be so absorbed by a screen. To be so enthralled by a tv set like a hypnotized lack of entertainment. I guess I saw it every where else instead.So I pretended to be interested and that wasn’t the last time.

(copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). distant memory, written last year.

I’veLearned; Diversity

I’ve learned another pet peeve….when people think they have to be exactly alike in order to like someone enough to develop a friendship. It’s the differences that have the biggest impact. Accepting the differences in each other lead to the best friendships where you can learn and grow as an individual also. I guess that’s another societal agenda we’ve grown up with and has prevailed for the most part. I guess I like diversity and see what makes each person different.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved)

I’ve Learned; Think for Yourself

wrote this about two years ago (2012) about a terrible job I had – but that terrible job led me to start this blog well it eventually spiraled into the project I dreamed of. So, thanks, terrible job. Hope this helps those feelings.

If This is Any Indication….
So here I am, feeling the need to write a blog. I chose this one for obvious reasons, it was number one when I searched Google to find a blog to begin with. And needless to say, everyone wants to be the popular kid at school………………………………………………………………..Oh sorry, I got caught up in why in the world I said that last sentence. That is not a good way to introduce myself to the world of blogging, but after much deliberation, I think it will stay. When choosing this blog I trusted Google to lead the way because I wanted the most popular blog to be my decision. It isn’t a political statement of any sort and yet, it bothers me that I had to choose the number 1 blog site. Not to mention, Google is biased to the question, is it not? Anyways, when are we not doing what the crowd is doing? When are we ever thinking for ourselves? How many times a day do you question things? Not just what you are having for breakfast or what you will wear. I am talking about the questions that arise throughout the day where you hear yourself silencing the questions due to the fact that you know, if you continued to let those thoughts and questions spiral, you would not get anything done that day. At work, how many times do you think to yourself how differently things would be done if only you were in charge. How many times do you question why you aren’t the one in charge? You know you could be (and should be hehe). It’s human and the sign of a born leader. Yet, we go about our daily lives, like robots and hope for a raise and recognition that maybe our boss notices our hard work. We continue to put our own thinking in the back seat in order to better other people’s lives when we could be bettering ourselves instead. Now, I do not mean this negatively. I do not mean that it is not a good thing to work for someone else and let them do the thinking, because after all it is their business, and you should respect that. What I am saying, though, is it is not a good thing to forget that you can think for yourself in the process. We sometimes find every excuse in the book not to, but it is possible. Most, likely it may even be appreciated. Unless you are constantly in situations with severely mentally ill people, which could very likely be the case. Anyway, if this isn’t random enough writing for you, I am sure it can get worse. Or better. We will see.

So as another day came to an end at the office, my boss made a comment after a long day of what would be considered a good day that accompanied some work day jokery. The comment was “you know where thinking for yourself will get you.” At the moment I couldn’t help but to laugh because I know his sense of humor is a little skewed. Yet right away I began to reflect on why he would say such a thing. Although, it is true, in a world like ours, that those who may have ever thought for themselves and failed, have had bad experiences. Yet, that is exactly why it irritated me so much. Just because you have had one bad experience that led you to believe thinking for yourself means failure, does not mean that it is useless or better yet, a bad idea to try again.
We live in a world where we operate as slaves to be blunt. Anyone who thinks for themselves is instantly and sometimes harshly rejected. Which leads us to better adapting the next time, and going with the crowd, in order to avoid humiliation. Why are we, as a society so easily embarrassed? So easily mortified at the idea that what we have to say (or accidentally do) could be laughed at or that our ideas are pointless. We cannot stand rejection, even if in our right mind, we know there is nothing wrong with having a mind of our own. Yet we go about our lives in this manner and sell our souls to people that would toss you in the trash without hesitation, if they were to think you were in any form a threat to their reality.
So, why is thinking for yourself not a good thing? Because we might tune in to the fact that the ones who feel threatened by it have gave their lives in order to have power, but yet are ignorant to the most important aspects of human life. They feel ashamed.
Have you ever noticed when someone in your close proximity feels one thing, they automatically expect you to feel it too? Like somehow if their internal dialogue is saying one thing then you just have to be feeling or saying it too? No one wants to feel inferior or intimated. Yet that is exactly how we want others to feel. When the other person whom we want to feel bad, miraculously does not feel bad or ashamed (which is a projection of themselves onto that person) we automatically find ways to manipulate or hurt them.
Society has created this never ending cycle of malicious intent. We don’t feel good enough so why is that bitch feeling good about herself? MUST BRING THEM DOWN TO MY LEVEL. Sorry about all the misplaced pronouns but if you are worried about that then you are missing the bigger picture and should move on to a more accepted form of writing. Because you won’t find that here, because there are far more worse things to judge myself about then pronouns. Like the fact that I rely on a calculator because society has taught us that being smart is not a good thing. Hence, projection! at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. Anyways, that is another question to be answered another time.
So what started as a joke led to this question: So why is it a bad thing to think for ourselves? Because you might threaten someone else’s reality. So stop caring about distorting their reality when you need to keep your reality intact. Don’t bend your truth for their lies. Oh, and keep thinking for yourself. It will never lead you down the wrong path. Maybe it will lead you down a path that you may have long forgotten or a path of hell. But once you get past that hell (now don’t go thinking that hell has anything to do with fire, it is more a chance that you will experience a reality collapse of your own but…) you will no longer be asleep to the fact that thinking for yourself is the greatest gift we possess. Now, if only you can apply it. Good Luck.

(copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Self Help

For far too long, I was depressed.

Depressed because I couldn’t be myself.

A lifetime of being used and abused led me to fear being happy and the great person that I am.

Why let them win? I’m freaking awesome.

I’ve been around long enough to see that what goes around does come back around!

I’m sorry for anyone who knew me when i couldn’t even look you in the eye.

Sometimes being who you are has it’s downfalls such as jealousy and manipulation,

(and at times this leaves us uncomfortable in our own skin)

but in the end we usually can only count our true friends on one hand anyway,

so why waste your time trying to please everyone else.

Not everyone is going to like you!

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Misery Loves Company

You took a short cut home

ran into a silky web

no big deal;

although the spider

took a turn for the worse

trying to kill me

with its poison,

but yet I did not want it dead

I was fine before you.

Your curse is obsolete!

When I said you

didn’t care to know

I meant it

because I knew

where you were heading

and I still love you

yet I understand

it was in another life

another time

but we met again

just to say hey,

it’s good to see you again

yet you were the same

taking for granted

all the talent you were given

I can’t live like that.

When all I wanted to do

was save you.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.)

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