Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “freedom”

I’veLearned; Diversity

I’ve learned another pet peeve….when people think they have to be exactly alike in order to like someone enough to develop a friendship. It’s the differences that have the biggest impact. Accepting the differences in each other lead to the best friendships where you can learn and grow as an individual also. I guess that’s another societal agenda we’ve grown up with and has prevailed for the most part. I guess I like diversity and see what makes each person different.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved)

I’ve Learned; Think for Yourself

wrote this about two years ago (2012) about a terrible job I had – but that terrible job led me to start this blog well it eventually spiraled into the project I dreamed of. So, thanks, terrible job. Hope this helps those feelings.


If This is Any Indication….
So here I am, feeling the need to write a blog. I chose this one for obvious reasons, it was number one when I searched Google to find a blog to begin with. And needless to say, everyone wants to be the popular kid at school………………………………………………………………..Oh sorry, I got caught up in why in the world I said that last sentence. That is not a good way to introduce myself to the world of blogging, but after much deliberation, I think it will stay. When choosing this blog I trusted Google to lead the way because I wanted the most popular blog to be my decision. It isn’t a political statement of any sort and yet, it bothers me that I had to choose the number 1 blog site. Not to mention, Google is biased to the question, is it not? Anyways, when are we not doing what the crowd is doing? When are we ever thinking for ourselves? How many times a day do you question things? Not just what you are having for breakfast or what you will wear. I am talking about the questions that arise throughout the day where you hear yourself silencing the questions due to the fact that you know, if you continued to let those thoughts and questions spiral, you would not get anything done that day. At work, how many times do you think to yourself how differently things would be done if only you were in charge. How many times do you question why you aren’t the one in charge? You know you could be (and should be hehe). It’s human and the sign of a born leader. Yet, we go about our daily lives, like robots and hope for a raise and recognition that maybe our boss notices our hard work. We continue to put our own thinking in the back seat in order to better other people’s lives when we could be bettering ourselves instead. Now, I do not mean this negatively. I do not mean that it is not a good thing to work for someone else and let them do the thinking, because after all it is their business, and you should respect that. What I am saying, though, is it is not a good thing to forget that you can think for yourself in the process. We sometimes find every excuse in the book not to, but it is possible. Most, likely it may even be appreciated. Unless you are constantly in situations with severely mentally ill people, which could very likely be the case. Anyway, if this isn’t random enough writing for you, I am sure it can get worse. Or better. We will see.


So as another day came to an end at the office, my boss made a comment after a long day of what would be considered a good day that accompanied some work day jokery. The comment was “you know where thinking for yourself will get you.” At the moment I couldn’t help but to laugh because I know his sense of humor is a little skewed. Yet right away I began to reflect on why he would say such a thing. Although, it is true, in a world like ours, that those who may have ever thought for themselves and failed, have had bad experiences. Yet, that is exactly why it irritated me so much. Just because you have had one bad experience that led you to believe thinking for yourself means failure, does not mean that it is useless or better yet, a bad idea to try again.
We live in a world where we operate as slaves to be blunt. Anyone who thinks for themselves is instantly and sometimes harshly rejected. Which leads us to better adapting the next time, and going with the crowd, in order to avoid humiliation. Why are we, as a society so easily embarrassed? So easily mortified at the idea that what we have to say (or accidentally do) could be laughed at or that our ideas are pointless. We cannot stand rejection, even if in our right mind, we know there is nothing wrong with having a mind of our own. Yet we go about our lives in this manner and sell our souls to people that would toss you in the trash without hesitation, if they were to think you were in any form a threat to their reality.
So, why is thinking for yourself not a good thing? Because we might tune in to the fact that the ones who feel threatened by it have gave their lives in order to have power, but yet are ignorant to the most important aspects of human life. They feel ashamed.
Have you ever noticed when someone in your close proximity feels one thing, they automatically expect you to feel it too? Like somehow if their internal dialogue is saying one thing then you just have to be feeling or saying it too? No one wants to feel inferior or intimated. Yet that is exactly how we want others to feel. When the other person whom we want to feel bad, miraculously does not feel bad or ashamed (which is a projection of themselves onto that person) we automatically find ways to manipulate or hurt them.
Society has created this never ending cycle of malicious intent. We don’t feel good enough so why is that bitch feeling good about herself? MUST BRING THEM DOWN TO MY LEVEL. Sorry about all the misplaced pronouns but if you are worried about that then you are missing the bigger picture and should move on to a more accepted form of writing. Because you won’t find that here, because there are far more worse things to judge myself about then pronouns. Like the fact that I rely on a calculator because society has taught us that being smart is not a good thing. Hence, projection! at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. Anyways, that is another question to be answered another time.
So what started as a joke led to this question: So why is it a bad thing to think for ourselves? Because you might threaten someone else’s reality. So stop caring about distorting their reality when you need to keep your reality intact. Don’t bend your truth for their lies. Oh, and keep thinking for yourself. It will never lead you down the wrong path. Maybe it will lead you down a path that you may have long forgotten or a path of hell. But once you get past that hell (now don’t go thinking that hell has anything to do with fire, it is more a chance that you will experience a reality collapse of your own but…) you will no longer be asleep to the fact that thinking for yourself is the greatest gift we possess. Now, if only you can apply it. Good Luck.

(copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; 151 Days Ago

Anxiety stems from not feeling welcomed in a place like you’re never in a safe place. Why would I feel that way? Paranoia? Fear of being myself? Like it’s never safe and it made me kind of sad because I wanted to feel safe. Everyone couldn’t possibly be out to get me. Is this a program because I have no reason not to feel safe. None at all. I am safe though. Do I feel like I constantly have to be looking out for myself and on guard; as a woman, especially? If so is this trauma based or paranoia and why?

Because maybe I am doing something I am not supposed to be doing, not really. Wasting energy on dumb stuff. Distracted. Distracted by the likes of those who say misery loves company, but I am not miserable. So why would that cause anxiety? Because I feel that what I am doing is wrong but I know that it’ll be okay, because why is it wrong? Is there a right or wrong? Or just a ton of misunderstandings? I had insane crutches but they were fun. I wouldn’t harm anyone but now that I found love in myself why would I want to harm it? Now that I am getting somewhere, I could never harm myself.

Well the self sabotage has subsided and I care a whole lot more, among other things. I am human that went through a hard time with a traumatic past but dealing with it all quite well. I think they were isolated incidents and not really a habit or should I say a need. No way. I’ve glimpsed the beauty and love in life and now I know some truth behind it. Why would I sabotage that? I am dealing with a lot and still accomplishing goals and work on and off the field.

I’m too hard on myself but then again I’m just looking out for myself and that should be all I need to feel safe in any place. I should never feel unsafe so now I know anxiety is nothing but misplaced and past trauma coming up in the present whether it comes from me or not. It shouldn’t have control over me and the need to let go of control is crucial. Anxiety should never have the ability to affect me in such a manner that it changes who I am, or else I should take a good look at my current company and that would need to change or realize at an individual level we all have a past we came from whether it was traumatic or not.

If I can just get rid of that part of me I adopted completely, imagine the things I am capable of? It’s worth it. Patience is key because there is no reason not to feel safe in the presence of those I choose to hang out with and if it turns out I loose some friends so be it because this is too important. No one should suffer from anxiety and depression and I will get to the bottom of mine. I don’t have to live that way if that is what I choose to do. I have the final say. It’s been quite the ride but I won’t need you anymore, creators of anxiety fear, and depression. I don’t need the constant fear and the point is it’s over. Overall, anxiety and depression stems from not feeling safe in an environment.

Thanks for everything anxiety and depression and those who projected onto me. All the emotional manipulators and vampires. It’s time to move on, which leads to worrying and how it does stem from caring too much but trust me there is nothing to worry about, ever. Hand all your worries over. They are not yours to carry. I am free and have a peace of mind without you. We can be like Jesus but ultimately God has the final say. Suffering that is not necessary is longer an option. Give it up also. Know it is not how you are meant to live. We just haven’t figured it out yet. I’m that person that won’t stop until I do, and I think God knows that.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

Outspoken about anxiety and depression.

She’s happy because she’s free.
That’s where it all began.
The fight for freedom,
even in her own way,
was inspiring.
If only to herself.

Once she noticed the chains,
she wouldn’t stop
until her hands were broke free.
Until she could taste freedom,
she would never be happy.
Until she could feel it,
to be sure it’s real.

And On the way
she found truth.

Truth yet to be revealed

And she’s learned….
Sometimes she is bad,
even for herself.

 

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

So easy to forget about me

when there’s so much pain associated with you.

I thought you had something of mine,

I thought I had to get it back.

But you never took it and it was never lost.

I gave it freely,

So I could take it back.

I just didn’t know it yet.

 

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

(written in 2010).

I’ve Learned What Freedom Means to Me

The truth is painful

That is why we lie

The truth is painful when it comes out

Let’s not fear pain

Then the truth just comes

But this time it’ll come out with such an ease

And all shame is gone

You won’t even be aware of the fear anymore

Instead you overcome it

That is freedom

To me

women_freedom_by_rush2anthony

(Copyright 2014 Kerrious with All Rights Reserved)

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