Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “free writing”

I’ve Learned; Redemption

This was written in 2008; beginning of wanting to break the abuse cycle….This is about not accepting abuse and despite the somber tone or I’m sure others could take it down the hateful path, but it is meant to kick start a revolution of my soul and breaking free from patterns of abuse with no excuses from the abuser. And how without the perpetrating we may never have learned to grow. Which I had plenty of growing to do….


Redemption is over
I knew this day would come
But victory’s been so sweet
I’d hate to see it go
Never exactly caring
But the taste still remains
Though you aren’t exactly human
It never seemed that way
You’re disappearing slowly
Not slow enough
First it takes your internal organs
Then comes the pigment
The glow in your eye
Do you feel them gone?
All necessities to living
Hope it’s the same effect
You bestowed on us all
Maybe this is redemption
After all, you are dieing
Dieing from your own doings
Your own hatred and self-pity
Hope you can comprehend
But I doubt you have changed
Still even if it’s your last seconds
I hope an epiphany arrives.

I know there’s a chance
In a corner of my mind
For all the love I have
There’s plenty for you
Though I can’t stop hating you

I know there’s a chance
In a vein in my heart
To give you a chance
To make you a part
I’d rather pretend you don’t exist

I know there’s a chance
In the depths of my soul
For all the times we’ve shared
Taking me to the park
The trips always ended dark
I’d rather remember the thrill of swinging

Maybe there’s a chance
In my center of common sense
Though I never let it distress me
It tortured you to see
Frightened but laughing due to my tough persona

I doubt there’s a chance
In my realistic nature
I only pretended to accept
All the apologies and broken glass
Nights of hoping it would all vanish

Now I am sure
There’s not a chance
In the soil of my garden
Where these seeds have grown
At least you gave me one thing
The ability to grow

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; The Actor

Sometimes people’s inside worlds are much greater than their external worlds. They are misunderstood. Not in a crazy way, because there is a difference, but in a way in which we love too much and can’t find it in the external world to match our insides. Our fuel is passion in which it can never be fulfilled in the external in which they dwell. So they try to find it in the external world and lie to themselves to believe they are taking care of their inner worlds when their unspoken attributes are disguised by external flaws. The system’s flawed; judgements absorbed from others. All we can hope for is others to be around long enough for us to express all that’s inside so that the external may understand our internal. To break free from the system. Remember that we are artists with enough to give.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

What I’ve Learned From Men

Sometimes i think the reason why men and woman have boundary and respect issues is because women don’t see what men see. What men see when they look at a female is a different experience than when a women looks in the mirror for example. The woman doesn’t see the beauty she possesses. but men do. I think women have learned to detach themselves from their bodies from years of accumulating insecurities. When they see breasts in the mirror they do not see what men see when they see breasts. But for me, my skin is my clothes. I know that I am in this body and have been and will be so I better learn to love it and on the way I found this. This is where I’ll be. I think we can learn something from men here and realize the reason they can seem so crude and over bearing.
But i don’t think it’s wrong to think that there are men out there who can control it. well not control it but own it and take responsibility for it and maybe chivalry can be reborn. While women should learn to overcome insecurities and embrace the beauty they possess and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Overall resentment is built ( or projected onto the opposite sex ) and that is what we are trying to prevent by understanding and loving ourselves more.

Sometimes I think women should learn more about men and then realize we can only control ourselves in the end. The more we understand men, the more we are able to see and understand our part in the dynamic. Just like they need to understand woman better. It’s a two way street. And we can’t deny nature, because then we deny ourselves. I’m only skimming the surface here, but that is a story for another time.

copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

To stop running I must jump. Then I thought, I need to jump! I need to jump off that cliff. That cliff I thought i was avoiding was actually the one thing I needed to do. Just jump already I thought. but the problem is we think we’ve already jumped too many times. Can’t we just stay up here for a while? But that is nonsense and we know it. Always be willing to jump. Know that is your destination and not something to be feared. The funny thing is a part of us always knew this, kept it close. But it really just puts thing more into perspective, reminds you of a lot of things. Wondering how they do it so well? But yet I always prevail. And so I began to fall….just one more time.

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved

I cried and said I never kissed anyone the way I kiss him

My tissue kept dry but my tears I couldn’t hide

My heart began over-riding my brain months ago

Like a ticking bomb

Red of Blue, I could not choose

Life or death hung in the balance

But it was different because it was only my life

And that life I could spare.

 

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved

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