Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the tag “forgiveness”

I’ve Learned; Blaming God

Now I know why I started to get mad at God

because when I would talk about him

people would tell me to be quiet.

They wouldn’t believe a word I said

although I was just talking

not forcing them to believe.

I began to be angry

when something I knew was true

was being laughed at

or pushed aside

as if I was crazy.

So I began to think God was crazy

and now I know how it feels

to be him.

I am like a prophet

who can’t be understood

because not even God is understood

not even by me

as I remember now

why I held a grudge.

I’d cry and look up at the night sky

remember why I started to doubt you

because no one ever listened

so I kept it to myself

for you only to reveal more and more

while I felt like I was going crazy.

Now I forgive you

it’s what we both needed to do

forgive each other

and let go of grudges

because now I don’t care

if anyone listens

or if anyone cares

all that matters is that we grow

from all these misunderstandings.

I’m not here to push an agenda

I’m just saying the things

I’ve been wanting to

since I was a little girl.

When I was first shown things

that can’t be explained

but here it would be called a breakdown

a collapse of reality.

That’s fine with me

it can be our little secret

you know I was upset

as I cursed you

for making me this way

when all I wanted to do was be normal

my whole life….

but now I know that’s not how you made me

I am meant to be free

free from being normal

free of resentments and grudges

towards you…

I no longer blame you

or look for signs.

You are within me

forever confined.

 

(Copyright kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

Being strong wa…

Being strong was always one of my my best assets,

but these days, it is not contributing to my well-being.

It takes my pain and binds it into a a ball,

much like wet clay,

and molds it into my insides,

creating an emptiness where the pain should be.

The ball of clay forever lies inside me,

collecting more and more blood to weigh it down.

What I want is to squeeze it

and replace it with the power of peace and forgiveness.

I no longer want to fill it with more and more weight.

I want to release it.

I want to say good riddance.

I want to know it’s not me,

 

now I know it’s not.

Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved.

(written in 2009)

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