When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

So by the fire of my heart I fought off enemies to the point of those enemies resorting to me as their only friend, their only source of being right and their only source of doing better next time but the fact they are relentless at self sabotaging where I can not help them shows they should have never raged war against me to begin with as if it was a war they’d ever knew I knew about but u can’t rage war against me without me knowing and u can’t hate me without me coming to u in love and if u continue to I will give u something better than war which is peace which peace I was in the beginning but to make u better I had to fight u and all your demons that demons aren’t even bad but reminders of what we lack.


What I’ve been through in the past four years can’t be written down in history without expelling the past 7,000 years. But I know through the persecution and stones thrown at me they are stuck there but we are not. That people refuse new conversation and think that those that seek conversation seek attention but what we seek is what no one can give us which is conversation through our experiences so they use whatever tools they have to delete us from their experience because they lack the ability to do it in their own to look past what doesn’t suit them they instead project a textbook of conclusions because they fail to understand another and that nothing can be created from nothing that something had to have created it yet lack of understanding another leads to discrimination and remarks that are irrelevant in the bigger picture that something bigger than themselves makes them belittle instead of interact.

But I wasn’t afraid to start right away. I wasn’t afraid to walk out in the open and let it be known. I didn’t have to hide or play pretend. That u had to observe me not the other way around and I understood u but not the other way around which makes me the new not you. But anything different or new u kill. Yet I still walk and u haven’t changed.

What my old soul knows in order to break the cycle is to no longer go at alone but to include one other would break the cycle of doing it alone. That I do not need another to reach where I’ve been or where I come from but to allow one other to go there with me is actually breaking a chain to create one that is better. One of the Gods. Tear down the old to build the new and to include you would be easy yet I’m prone to not so prove me wrong. Take your place beside me just by being you and knowing that is your destiny that we align don’t forfeit it with the world as is it but a future world where we cease to exist and plan on it.

So much I keep from you little boy blue because in the end there will be two.

Since u kissed me and called me girlfriend with a spark your fate led to be a blue kachina dancing in the plaza with only one in attendance. Yet you didn’t even know your part. Shall we choose love between two or transcend to a greater purpose? That dancing is short term but infinity is to gain in the form of one. Good luck. Shall we dance?

I love you because you open the last parts of me; the least accepted

I know you are not because I ask and I do not receive

Dear God

I pray

That someday

I won’t feel this way

Like something went wrong

Like a dark night of the soul

I can come through

The tunnel

Into the light

Night after night

Day after day

I’ll pray

To be shown the way

Where I can be content

In knowing

And not having to explain

To myself

This road less taken

As if I was mistaken

Instead of staying true

To you

I wonder

That since God knows

What they did to me is what

They’d do to him

I wonder why I don’t turn

To the enemy

Because they were never mine enemy

To begin with

Never did I listen

Or do what they say

And since they aren’t my enemy

I can’t even turn to them in vengeance

Towards God

Not even out of anger

Can I….

And Therein lies the mystery

His mystery

To protect me

But when I try to find some selfish part

Of God

It is the not knowing

I’m not used to

It is the lack

Of communication

But I see…

That even when I try to find a way

To rage war with God

I cannot

I can try to hurt myself to spite him

But after being saved

What’s the point

I can beg for death

I can beg not to exist

I can lash out

But I’m still stuck here

And by no accord did I have to learn that

But I really don’t want to be here

And that is the selfish part of God

Not taking me

That his plans have to be unfolding

To keep me here

Yet I don’t care

I have to train myself to give a shit

Yet there’s beauty

That makes me

Not some promise of a future

But the need to follow through

On his individual plans with me

That only I understand

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