Dear God
I really wonder
Why
Why why why why why
Why did they do it
Not just to me
But to anyone
How could they do it
What is wrong with them
But i know
The answer already
What is something i don’t know the answer to
That is how i am alive today
But that’s easy
God did it.
I don’t know why i can’t stop
Stop a lot of things
But with God anything is possible
And I’m i doing it
I’mi changing.
It’s just times like these
At night
Alone time comes
And I’m alone
Enough
To feel good about it
And to feel good i have people that love me
That i have a job
A house
Shelter
Blankets
Heat
And money to spend on my creativity
My outlets..
It’s been such a long road
I put behind me a career i didn’t like
To pursue my own business
And it wasn’t a mistake
But the best thing i ever did
For myself!
Pursuit of happiness
And I’m wondering when it’ll end
Or if it ever will
Because i am content
On a neverending story
A neverending road
To excel
At everything
And to love
With all my heart and soul
Recently
I was told
I was beautiful
Inside and out
By my mother and my best friend’s mother
Something i never heard before
Only in my head haha
I wondered if i was
I wondered if i could be
Beautiful inside and out
Because this world makes me a monster
And the things done to me
Have drove me into madness and terror
I just want to cry
Because it meant so much to me
After everything
No one hates me
They really dont hate me
I am getting closer
To overcoming
The past.
I am getting what i need
To do it too.
God
How do you do it
Why do we love you
Want to listen to you
Do anything for you
What is my place
And yours
For some reason
You chose me
And i know i dont deserve it
But what was life
Before you
An endless darkness
A hole
A trap
Death…
Now it isn’t so bad
But I’m afraid to be happy
Because as soon as i get happy
Something bad will happen
Or something will be taken away
I just want to be happy
Guess I’m just scared
But I’m trying so hard
Believe me
God
Was it you that told me things would be ok?
Did you lead me into the right direction
Despite my discretion
Was it you that saved me
Was it you that saw something in me
The very same thing
They would take advantage of
But you said no
I was to be used for only your purposes
Not theirs
You showed them
Who i belong to
I love our little girl Gia Rose. She is growing fast. She is a blessing. If i didn’t get pregnant I don’t know where i would be. I’m so happy I got pregnant. Brett and Gia are my world. i love Brett so much for giving me Gia. I was at rock bottom, with nothing and no one then all of a sudden i have a family. We have a house now and are making it our home. Brett got me a walk in closet and we have made it look nice and he built me a shelf for all my supplies and i like to burn sage and incense and candles and turn my sound machine on to thunder and look at tarot cards about the past present and future. How the past i was a victim but presently need a new mindset to get rewarded for labor in the future. So true.
Right now Gia is fighting sleep but it is her bedtime.
I’m just grateful and thankful and happy i am here today with my little family. I already want another child. Being pregnant was the best thing ever. I loved every second of it even when i was sick and throwing up rejecting foods. I just really can’t wait to have a little boy. Fingers crossed.
I thank God every day and realize how much God has done in my life. God truly is on my side.
