Kerrious
When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air
Archive for the category “Uncategorized”
There was a time when i was a demon. Up all hours of the night hearing things and seeing things that i blamed on someone else but it was just me the whole time. See i am an alcoholic and i had to relive what i am like drunk except spiritually while sober i took it all in and know I’ve seen stuff like that before in people just when they are black out drunk. I black out drunked a lot !!!!!!!!! Demon posses my body but it’s just the darkest part of me.
At night i sleep. I sleep really good. But i do not dream like i used to. Where are my dreams and why did they go away. I love dreaming and remembering my dreams the next day. I just sit here and want to cry because something big is happening. There is transformation taking place and a metamorphosis only god can witness. I’ve asked for forgiveness , I’ve repented, I’m the fool. I’m so sorry i hurt myself so many times for far too long. I dread the consequences but all i can is wake up to a new day and go on about my business and stay positive. Everything still hurts so bad, I’m blocked from crying. Something has swallowed my soul or my soul is nothing but strength…..bold.
My soul cries from a distance and has been crying for 7 years straight if you can imagine. I just want to physically cry to get on my knees and thank god for everything but how? Why am i blocked from what i need to do. Why can’t i just cry? Oh the shame.
Well one thing is for sure and that’s the fact i am happy despite my every effort to Sabatoge myself. Over and over for what felt like eternity. I can’t hate myself but i can hold a grudge. Come on, cry….
Oh this writing sucks the life out of me, my blood is this ink, my body this paper, and the smears, my tears. I can’t live in a bubble, under a rock. I can’t live as if i do not suffer and many others as well. I can’t live like i don’t exist. Because i do. I matter and so do you. But for far too long I’ve been told that my life does not matter, let me die, they did. Without a wince. Well here i am and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here waiting…..
I am withered being
Underneath it all
I succumb to depression
My mind goes into dark places
But i can always find my way out
Because my essence is light
But my life has been dark
I embraced the darkness
After all
It was mine to hold
To make better
To heal
Life has a funny way
Of doing things
Because that was before
i knew the truth
And God
If i don’t cry my eyes out
thinking about it
And how far I’ve come
I love so much
But it was taken advantage of
I believe so much
But it was mocked
Oh god
I’m so tired of this world
When i open up
I feel rejected
When i cry
I know no one listening
When i dance
I know no one’s watching
But i can pretend
Someone listens
And someone’ watching
and someone’s accepting
Of me
Well now i have a real life person
Who loves me
just the way i am
But he has no idea
What’s in store
And what I’m working towards
Is a me
Perfected
and he will be the one
Who gets to enjoy it
Much deserved
As I’ve told him everything
About my past
I hate it
I really do
But i can’t change it
But he makes me feel better about it
At least
Maybe he’s listening
Maybe he’s watching
And maybe he’s accepting
Of me
And maybe that’s just what i need
and what i prayed for
I love him
