Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the category “self improvement”

I’ve Learned; Vision

In my vision

you just rolled your eyes at me

when I needed you

someone to vent to.

Except now I know

that was a mistake

I’d never roll my eyes at you.

It felt like everyone was against me

not wanting to help me

only to judge me

and put me away.

I guess you were

no exception

if I held everyone to those standards

I’d have no one left

that I loved.

When I was traveling

I lost you

I couldn’t find you

As I got out of my car

It felt like I released

a heavy burden

shivers so divine

I could have shined,

Like returning to the promised land.

Now I no longer

look to you

or anyone

Only myself

and my strength

is what I need.

Keep rolling your eyes

because you just might find

some truth

in me.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Holy Spirit

We were all just sitting there

at the table

talking about our troubles

and how to fix them

when you decided

to draw me a picture

almost automatically

so fluid and exact.

It was of Jesus

hanging from the cross

with the holy spirit

coming out as he died

on the cross.

I may have felt defeated

but by knowing

and remembering

why I was still alive

was because of the spirit

and it is in me too.

I will never forget that

and I still have the picture

It was a good reminder

of what happened to me.

You were sick

and I helped you to bed

and you helped me

with just one picture

that meant so much

in the end.

Thank you for that.

I am like the holy spirit

released to save us all.

 

(Copyright kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

Happiness Creates My Soul

There are these moments, where everything around you comes to a halt. And every moment you ever lived, almost in slow motion, settles in to let you know it all led you to this place in time. And suddenly it all becomes worth it. You can’t understand the process or why, but you understand you are here now and it all makes sense for a reason.

(copyright Kerrious 2010 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Love is Real

Sitting here

trying to write

for the words are near

my mind needs cleared.

All these thoughts and words

aren’t mine

but other’s I hear.

When will my voice

be the loudest?

When will my words

be shared?

Sitting here

thinking about you

but who are you?

You just smiled

as I started to fear

a gentle smile

as my fear grew near,

but I never felt so safe

it was all so real.

Now I’m thinking

what made it real

was the love I had for you

it grew so big

was vibrant

and new

and I loved you all the way through.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Last Chance

I see

I see you

when I look

I really see

when I touch

I really feel

When I laugh

I really mean it.

Traveling through space

lost track of time

floating through dimensions

saying

“Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Lying still

breathing shallow

knowing everything would be okay.

Watching the clock stop

watching the signs change

where are we going

things kept disappearing.

Earth kept spinning

I feel like I’m winning

an invisible game

and I didn’t know my name.

Like the garden of Eden

I felt brand new

reborn to save my soul

this time it’s different

it was my last chance

I changed in a glance.

Felt like I was traveling through space

and I earned my grace.

An angel

in a land of demons.

I stay

in order to play

I’ve just already

won this game before.

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Sober

I don’t even get high anymore

like nothing will work

to take this pain away

like I’m immune

to you and all the drugs.

I don’t need to take anything

to survive

because I’m living now

not dying.

Always thinking about death

like starring into the abyss

except it really did stare back

and now I’ll never be the same.

Death consumes me

intrigues me, motivates me

to really live.

Death and love

is all there is

my mind remembers death

makes me believe I love it

But really I want to escape it

transcend death and life

it’s the only thing I can do.

No…

don’t take who I love

No…

don’t tell me I can’t avoid it

because I’ll find a way

to take all the pain away.

Death might be the answer

and just what I need

In death I will be happy

take me away….

But I’m alive.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; I Could be More

And sometimes I think

I could be more than what I am

I could be more gentle

more kind

more empathetic.

But then I think of what took that all away

from me…

To get it back became my quest

my one true goal.

Sometimes I falter

because I’m used to hiding myself

from the world.

I am no longer hiding

as these things make their way

into my life.

I could be stronger

I could be weaker

I could be anything

but really I am everything

all in one.

There’s the dilemma

how do I portray who I am?

Just letting things flow

and come naturally

seems the way to go.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; We Live Forever

Can’t we live forever

or maybe for a thousand years?

Why must we die

until everyone is gone?

Sometimes I think

everything is as it should be

but other times

I want to ask to live longer

maybe 120 years.

I think we have to die

to experience the process

We have to learn to accept death

and not deny it’s existence

I think we must die

in order to face ourselves

internally we go

always searching for answers.

It’s usually something

you already know

you just forget

and want to live forever.

Imagine all the things we could do or see

if only we had more time.

Why are we denied such things?

Why are we denied the people we love?

If only they were here now

to see what has become of us all.

But we must accept that

we all die,

some just want to get there sooner than others.

Are we ever really ready to go?

I think we can prepare for death

and there is help along the way

Death is a part of life

we can’t choose to ignore,

we must accept its challenges

and it’s will.

To live forever would be a purpose

to discover everything

until we felt it with our own hands

see it with our own eyes,

then we will be ready to go

once we have answered our questions.

Sometimes you must search for the things

you wish to know,

although it’s invisible

it still exists.

There is something beyond here

and I’m no longer scared to die.

It graced itself with myself

to show me he would be okay

once he passed

and peacefully he went

and then I knew there was a God.

Something much bigger existed

and I glimpsed it.

All my answers were given

and now this life I shall live.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

 

 

I’ve Learned; The Beast

Like a beast you were

who I had sympathy for

you were always lurking

in the dark recesses of my mind

only to be discovered in time.

You stayed silent

I stayed vigilant

and at the end

my empathy you could hear

accepting your apology

as you knew there was nowhere else to go.

So you stayed near

only to hear

what I was to teach you

and sometimes

just sometimes,

I think you have sympathy for me too.

No longer do you sneak around

in my head

No longer do you try to sway me

in your direction.

Now I have my own path

and instead of you adding forks in the road

you actually walk beside me.

You were brought to the light

and I think you liked it.

Despite all your darkness

and terrible ways of misleading me

I stayed who I was

and that was enough

for you to see.

Maybe humans aren’t all bad

and maybe what you did was sad

but there is hope for you

and I see that now.

You were forgiven

and let me go.

That is all I can ask for,

returned to the source,

because I get along with both of you

I realize you aren’t much different than me

Just trying to prove your worth

to the only one who knows

of such things.

The only one that can save your soul.

You came to me and I brought you there

Judgement day had come

And we intertwined in my mind

by some force of nature

to only discover

we are the same.

The darkness you possessed

once inside of me

used alchemy at its finest

to take you there

to be forgiven

just as I had to be forgiven.

Now we know

who is in control.

I could hear him forgive you

and you took me along.

So you used me as eyes and ears

to see the world around me.

I just keep hoping you liked what you saw

and realize we weren’t a mistake

but becoming human

can be hard to do

and I think you know that.

You and me are not in control

not at all.

All we can do is control ourselves

and even then there’s someone left

when it all goes dark

there was someone there

to lead me back to the light.

You let me start over,

even though I can’t see you,

I will always remember

the fight…

that took place inside me.

 

(Copyright KErrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Smile

It’s not the same now

not at all

at least I can smile

at you all.

At least I have tried

to get up after the fall

can’t say I knew how

just that I did it

without you.

Everything will be fine

everything is okay

All I know is

Things have changed.

I worked hard for this

much too hard.

Nights consisting of the fetal position

and days where love ran rampant

through my body.

Meditations turned into surreal images

floating around my room.

The fear is gone

I can see you now

see just what it was

that was holding me back.

Fear is a dreadful occurrence

but all I got was a smile.

A smile I resemble

and emulate to others.

What you taught me

I shared with others.

 

(Copyright KErrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

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