Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the category “save yourself save the world”

I’ve Learned; Finding Yourself

When everyone wants you

to be something other than you’re not

don’t fret

or become what they want

instead stay true to yourself

by finding that something

that makes you,

you.

You will know it

because you will feel good

feel good that you survived

being led down a road

that wasn’t for you.

You may not find it right away

it may take some time

but be ready to spend that time

on the things that matter to you

instead of what anyone else wants.

This is a step towards

enlightenment and higher evolution

when a person

becomes an individual

the whole world stops

time slows down

and even stops for a second.

It is your welcome

welcome to your new world

where anything is possible

because you made it here

to see the truth

behind your purpose

and your whole life amounted to this

for a reason.

Now you see.

It was all just one big misunderstanding

at my most creative

you locked me up

I’ll never let that happen again

you can’t win.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Non-Judgemental

I released all judgements

left them behind

for another time

for me to find.

All judgements

started racing through my mind.

One by one

they were released

into the abyss.

No longer judgemental

just a memory

in my mind

of how things used to be,

I never could overcome me.

Now when I see you

I won’t judge

I’ll see everything

but the bad

turn your flaws into gold,

With this

it was clear,

things are never

as they appear.

(copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

 

I’ve Learned; Joy

There is definitely something

that puts me in  my moods.

you may say I’m out of touch

when really I’m smiling so big

to light up a night sky.

When I look up

I am elated

to have a question answered.

Finally,

after all these years

of working hard

to meet you.

Working hard to defeat this

way of feeling.

What I received in return

was something I can’t even explain

but there is where my moods come from

where they blossom into joy

don’t mistake my joy

for ignorance.

Nor my smile

for crazy

or my love

for weakness.

It’s all a part of me now.

 

(Copyright kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Thank You

All I said

was to stop destroying planets

there I received

a phone call saying thank you.

I didn’t think twice

only said you’re welcome

as if I was expecting your call.

I should have saved your number

to figure this out.

But instead I moved on

without much thought towards you

now I want to know

who you were

and how you knew

what I was asking for.

We want to heal the world

we want to clean up our messes

be with our families

and eat and drink

to the fullest.

If all I have

is that memory

that is good enough for me.

If all I got was a thank you

that’s okay with me.

(copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Metamorphosis

I feel like I have forgotten. I feel overwhelmed and unable to connect. I want to write but don’t know where to start. I was to be inspired but find it lurking somewhere in my peripheral vision and I can’t quite grab it’s focus. I feel utterly hopeless but there is something holding on. I have been strong for too long. I am tired of the same old. I am tired of my writing being shallow. I am tired of the world. I am horrified that I live here. How positive can I be before I go crazy? Where is the healthy balance? Where is the middle ground in which I can still serve my purpose but not feel completely lost. I feel lost. I am lost. Where am I? Who am I? the more I know and the more I find out the more I realized I don’t know and get amnesia. I just want to cry. I have so much to give so much to offer and so much talent. But it lies dormant and what will wake it? What will it take? My life is not what I expected it to be but it took me 26 years to get here. For the most part I am happy with the outcome but another part of me knows I had hoped for much more. Where did I get lost? But you can not go back so how can I change it now? For the most part I feel like I have given my all into changing for the better to be true to myself. But another part of me feels this disparity , this subtle but powerful voice that says I can’t do anything. Like I am just waiting for something to happen to know my time is right. I feel like that time is now. When will I put my hard work to the test? I can’t keep letting myself down. I can’t be perfect. I feel so overwhelmed, so alone. I live this life on the outside and another life on the inside. Why can’t I express myself? I am getting better. I am so stressed. Lots of energy. Maybe I need to work on those shielding techniques I think are so stupid. Maybe they aren’t so stupid if they could help.

All that I have learn I feel I have lost. But I know it’s temporary. Like I am being left to my own devices as a test. It feels forgotten and it feels stolen.

Maybe all that I have learned and all that energy I collected has been used? What if I have used it all to help in a greater cause in some sense? What if I am depleted because I sacrificed it all for the bigger picture? After all, that is what I am told. It’s like everything is happening in another dimension. I just need to realize everything is perfect and how it should be right now. Always.

Ive never admitted I was lost before. I always felt so sure I was on the right path. But am I lost? If so I’ve been digging the hole for quite some time. Wouldn’t know where to start to get out. Goodbye. It’s like I am letting go of everything I ever knew. It’s quite painful but it’s like I’m just letting it happen without a fight. I’ll let the tears come as they come and won’t judge myself. I’ll actually enjoy it. I let the good times roll and slow times go. It’s like I know it’ll be okay. I’m letting go of all I ever knew or thought. And I’m fine with that. Oh my, the lessons I have learned.

I feel like sitting here just sitting here and releasing all this emotion and anxiety is what I need right now instead of yoga. It’s good just to be alone and release weeks worth of information and stress. The feeling is unlike any other. A couple years ago I probably would have gave myself a hard time if I felt like this. It feels good. So good. If I were to die, I’d want all I care about to know who I am. It’s so hard being a good person in this world. Sometimes I put my mask on to survive and that’s it. I’m sorry. My intelligence is put to use on earth. Know that I never gave up that I was just playing the game. I was just playing along and playing dumb, exactly what I’m good at. Except I really don’t know what the game is or my part in it. My heart is so big. I’d do anything for a stranger but some days I want to run away because it’s so much. I would never do harm. I’m sure I have but not on purpose. Please know that I’m not scared to die. Please know when the time come, I will want to go. My body is weak and my heart breaks. I must be needed elsewhere. Trust me when I say there is a god. Maybe not the god you imagine. I have spent every moment asking these questions and finding answers. Please don’t think I haven’t been. Some days I don’t believe myself. For some reason I am connected to source a little bit more than others. Although we are all capable and that is my message. I’ve always seen the good in others because it existed in me. I see that now. In my eyes, you all were amazing. But most people have good in them. Most. Or remnants of it which act as ghosts in which I would come across and think they were real. But they aren’t real. Neither were the remnants of your good. I’m sorry I see the best in people. But in my eyes you saw yourself. I am a mirror. As most of us are.

I’m sorry I am so weird. I’m sorry I can’t be like you. I’m sorry I get taken advantage of, but not so much anymore. I’m sorry all my qualities get mistaken for everything it’s not. I’ve come to terms with a lot of my problems and internal struggles and yes I did have a lot of problems but not anymore. I feel freed from my past, all of it. I have come out on the other side as a completely different person.
I fear I bring the worst out in people. That is what I am finding out. If it exists in them, it will appear. At least I can spot the weak and cruel, no minds of their own. Maybe that’s my purpose. I’m god’s amulet. Just going about testing people. Just when god thinks these people are good, here I come to prove him wrong. So he says, there it is, I knew they didn’t change or I knew they were faking. Yes, that’s me. I could see that actually. Because it instantly comes out when I’m around. But being an amulet, I sure as hell don’t protect from evil things, more like invoke them. More like a curse which never effects me. But I can also bring out the good in people. It’s whatever they possess the most.

Sometimes the literature I read about these things could use each other. The ones that are passionate about what they think the truth is is always missing a piece like if they weren’t so biased, they could use another link .
That’s what I was forgetting. All my suffering, but suffering makes you forget.But after all that….

You will remember everything.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). written in 2012 before it was forgotten.

I’ve Learned; Remember

If I remember everything

can I leave this prison?

Now I’m ready

all I wanted

was a house in the country

where I couldn’t hear

anyone’s thoughts

but my own.

All I wanted

was to share my words

it’s now or never

and I’m getting ready.

I claim to love Earth

but not lately

I can’t stand what I’m seeing

what I’m hearing

and believing.

When will the false words stop

when will I be separated

from this place

you destroyed my home

murdered me

then stole all my belongings

but not this time

this time I’m ready

ready to take back

what is mine.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; The Actor

Sometimes people’s inside worlds are much greater than their external worlds. They are misunderstood. Not in a crazy way, because there is a difference, but in a way in which we love too much and can’t find it in the external world to match our insides. Our fuel is passion in which it can never be fulfilled in the external in which they dwell. So they try to find it in the external world and lie to themselves to believe they are taking care of their inner worlds when their unspoken attributes are disguised by external flaws. The system’s flawed; judgements absorbed from others. All we can hope for is others to be around long enough for us to express all that’s inside so that the external may understand our internal. To break free from the system. Remember that we are artists with enough to give.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Inner Children

like a child
I always was
I fought a two year old
which made me sick
I met a five year old
and it made me angry,
disillusioned
I saw an eight year old
remembered I was smarter
said goodbye to a thirteen year old
made me happy
feeling sixteen again
opened my eyes
to the past
I had summoned
no longer sixteen
I turned nineteen
and it made me shy
twenty-one
no longer alone
twenty-two
wondering why
not one adult helped
twenty-three
help yourself
twenty-four
done keeping score
then I was twenty-seven
and a woman who knew
none of those ages
were really her
not really
they returned
to let me know
what I was feeling
wasn’t me at all
but a projection
of others
those inner children
and to this day
they all provoke
a strength; my true age
that can’t be hidden
because no matter the age
my inner children prevail
to grow
strange how you forget
or never know
with time I grow stronger
never weaker
I am a woman
who disciplines
her inner children
because
she loves them
and herself enough
to save the children.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved)

kids-save-the-world

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