Kerrious

When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

Archive for the category “good vs. evil”

Walk and Roll

As a child

It’s like

rolling down a hill

quite literally

we climb to the top

look at our surroundings

lay down

to start the roll

all the while

laughing

and not caring

how fast we go

until we reach

the bottom

as we stop

our momentum

only to laugh

hysterically.

As an adult

it’s like climbing

the stairs

to only get to the top

to have someone

hitching a ride

so we get sick

to the stomach

and climb back down

the stairs

until the sickness is gone

I wouldn’t drag

a sickness

up the hill

or the stairs

along with me.

as I reached the top

the sickness ensued

I knew I had to

go back down

to throw up

the sickness

because it wasn’t mine

only put upon

me

by prying eyes

jealous voices

bombardment

addicts to the core.

addicted to sabotage

because they

couldn’t climb

the stairs

or roll down the hill

themselves.

We’d roll down the hills

to feel alive

because we didn’t feel ourselves

but we’d climb the stairs

to meet death

and ourselves.

(copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

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Restore

Prophecy you misinterpreted

prophecy of fear

you projected to the world.

Prophecy foretold

no fear involved

it makes me feel old.

Why do they want

their doom and gloom

and to whom?

it’s like they’d

rather see destruction

than creation.

I thought we could restore

not destroy to create

we aren’t fulfilling

your prophecy

only ours.

 

Where there is

no destruction

only creation.

A true prophet

warns

tried to prevent

the bad things

from happening.

It’s like they

made it worse on themselves

when all was coming.

To make the whole

because what they’ve been doing

all along

wasn’t right at all.

So we’re sharing the time

something of mine

was stolen

and used for their agenda.

We’re sharing the time

because

you can make it right.

10 years of my life

amounted up to two days.

29 years of my life

amounted up to three months.

Nothing is wasted

or pointless

it’ll come to you

if you make the right decisions.

It’s never too late

to restore your fate.

I believe the world

will come together

under God.

Though I’m just a voice

I still made the choice

to be a vessel

of grace

a child of God

and a friend to all.

Though just a voice

I’ve reached out to all.

Clearing up

the misunderstandings

of the past and present.

Not the future too.

Foretold, maybe

I’d rather not know

just show.

 

It’s the feeling

everything’s going to be okay.

It’s the knowing of the truth

without the expression

It’s settles you down

doesn’t make you panic.

Prophecy is

as needed

straight to the point

honest

short and sweet

it’s transparent

at its core

It has no opposition

by the end

because it’s just the beginning.

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

 

 

 

 

 

Storm

Sleeping through the rain

as if it’s just another day

watching a storm roll in

leads me to my bed

instead.

Thunder that only I

could recognize the meaning

the message

you didn’t heed

as I laughed

because I understood

before they didn’t listen.

Rain that would trickle down

as if it was interrupted

from crying

letting the tears flow

as they thanked me

for spirit.

I heard the waters

rush around me

as if I survived

the flood before.

A tree branch fallen

close by

hail that felt like missiles

but I got lightening bugs
 
instead,

all a part of

the perfect storm.

I just want to lay down

and wait for tomorrow.

I trust the storm

as I am the eye

and the calm

to comfort us all.

I heard them

try to control the storm.

I heard the trumpet

sound off

As I held on tight

worried for humanity

as the trumpet softened

at times

I don’t want to know

what happens.

at times I just

duck and cover

marched to the beat

of God’s drum

all along

I played it on a gong

marched like a soldier

into his army.

to prevent the enemy

from taking my body.

all the while

staying in the dark

swaying from the fight

like being pushed around.

except they didn’t know

who they were intruding on

or the consequences of doing so.

You don’t mess with

another person’s happiness

or their fate.

So where were my comrades?

all around

flares I’d hear,

tapping of a

carpenter’s hammer,

taps on the trumpet,
row your boat ashore,

rocket launches,

trains who whistle,

footsteps on the roof,

flashes of light,

my bedside at night,

the animal kingdom,

birds in swarms

or singled out

wind and tree spirits

all spirits

everywhere.

you know,

the ones who

never have to pry

on my mind.

invisible war

but we are the so much more.

You don’t even want to know

what we can do from the ashes.

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Fallen Angel

I woke up

was thrown to the ground

as I clutched my stomach

as if something came into it

it felt like a beam of a spirit

someone else inside me.

Then I walked down the stairs

into another room

where I was alone

I began to feel

all the sadness in the world

and held it in my heart

where I fell to the floor

and broke down and cried

a cry I have never heard before

echoed through my ears

while I cried out

“there’s so much pain here”

as if I was transported

back to earth

from some magical place

where there was no pain or suffering

and the sadness went away

there I learned

there is a place like that

beyond what we see

beyond what we do to each other.

I released it all that day

and as I walked in your room

you asked if I felt better

and I can honestly say

I did.

I was courageous

to take on all that pain

to really feel it in my body

and release it to another world

to be held

where it belonged.

We aren’t meant to carry these burdens

or hold the weight of the world

we are meant to hand it over.

When we breakdown

we forget it’s not our place

but I knew that already

and surrendered it all

to you.

I never felt anything close to it

that’s a fallen angel for you

coming in

to take all the pain of the world

my world

and theirs too.

While it was inside me

I felt a jolt in the pit of my stomach

and after I cried

it was gone

just like that.

So I know I didn’t break

not that easily

something else was there for me

something you can’t see.

But just because you can’t see it

doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it

doesn’t make it

any less real.

Because what we feel is real.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; God’s Will

It’s like you moved me

away from God’s plan

uprooted my whole destiny

God’s will.

Except he took notice

and became enraged

with the entire world

I always felt like

my life was wrong for me

like I was meant to be somewhere else

anywhere else

with anyone else.

When I realized the darkness

was trying to sway me

into that direction

and took it upon themselves

to change God’s will

they never though

they would get caught.

But I’m here now

and they can’t change that

I still found my way

towards the divine

I still have in me

what he gave me in the beginning.

Just because I scare you

because your intentions are bad

just because I exist

to become so much more

more than you bargained for

more than you gave me.

I want to reclaim my place

I want to punish you

for what you’ve done to me

years of suffering

wondering why

why I never felt right

like I was living a lie

in someone else’s dream

I want to smash your dreams

there is no hope for you

the dark times are ending

and taking you with them.

I sure I surprised you

pulling through in the end

staying true to my soul

while you play games with others

but I still feel sorry for you

there must be something I can do

I turned my back on you

I saw the tricks you tried to play

taking me away

away from my purpose

to fulfill

God’s will.

You’ll just have to deal

with yourselves

and the mess you made

because now he knows

you’ve betrayed us all.

He’s taking back what’s his

his plan was delayed

because of these games you play

why deny the inevitable

why lie to yourselves?

Get out of my realm

you just make it worse

No what thou wilt

is what you do these days

except you forgot and

He’s back to say

you can’t win this way

you can’t change his will

or hurt us

ever again.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Brain

I feel like my brain

has adapted for survival

like I was brain dead

but brought back to life.

Like an electrical shock

that ran through my mind

to only be revived

because it wasn’t my time.

All my life I’ve fought

for my survival

always clawing my way through

to the other side

because I knew it was there.

The light was bright the first time

taking me with it

while the dark and the light

raged war in my intellect.

No one lost and no one won

we all just forgave each other

as family does.

The second time the light came

I did not succumb

I did not accept my fate

as it was too late

now I wait.

A metaphor for my life

God fighting for my soul

while Lucifer began to like me

as they fought over me.

But I like them both.

It’s because of them

that I live again.

And love can save your soul.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

 

I’ve Learned; Peaceful Death

I was looking for you

took a wrong turn

into another world

where everything was the same

but I was different.

I changed my mind

and saw the truth

behind our love

and the way it was.

I tried to find you

but the roads and signs

kept changing

into other things

like different places

as if I was there

but my surroundings were changing

which made it impossible

to find you.

I regret that day

and the way I made you feel

I really don’t remember

I was in another dimension

I think I wanted to stay

but you brought me back

back to reality.

Nothing is more valuable than that.

So we were apart

because I became lost

lost in the road signs

that told me to refuse

the ambulance ride

that appeared out of thin air.

They said I was walking along the road

mumbling something about the promised land

except I really wasn’t

time accelerated so fast

they were there in a glance

it wasn’t how you remembered.

You said you were there to help me

and I fell for it too

I do not break

just because you would.

I do not give up

just because you would.

Just because life got hard

doesn’t mean I care

because I am strong and fierce

I am scared of nothing

so next time you decide to track me down

know for certain you are wrong

about me.

Just because you couldn’t watch someone die

doesn’t mean I can’t.

Because I understand death

and would like to be there as you passed on

because there is nothing to fear

I know what’s on the other side

I have been there a dozen times

I hold that knowledge inside me

but since you didn’t understand it

you tried to take it away.

You tried to take away my love for another

just because you didn’t understand it.

People fear what they don’t understand

but I can tell you

he wasn’t alone as he died

he never had to be

because my love for him

was more powerful than all the hurt

the pain he felt

subsided.

I never seen anything so peaceful

as the moment you passed.

Everything became so real

and you I could feel

Jesus Christ in your heart

and God in your mind.

You said I woke up in the middle of the night

and came down to pray with you

like a shadow person

replaying the scene over and over.

The love between a child and parent

is the greatest love of all

in this world

if you can find it

you will have everything you need

to understand

and never fear again.

You can beat death

it’s the last thing we do

and God wanted me to be with you.

Because he knew I loved you

despite everything you put me through.

I did not think of any of that

because in the end

it doesn’t matter.

Almost on autopilot

forgiveness set in

there’s no way I could feel a grudge

so I gave you a hug

as you apologized.

But what you did

was the best for me

now I no longer live a lie

because of you.

 

(Copyright Kerrious 2016 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Metamorphosis

I feel like I have forgotten. I feel overwhelmed and unable to connect. I want to write but don’t know where to start. I was to be inspired but find it lurking somewhere in my peripheral vision and I can’t quite grab it’s focus. I feel utterly hopeless but there is something holding on. I have been strong for too long. I am tired of the same old. I am tired of my writing being shallow. I am tired of the world. I am horrified that I live here. How positive can I be before I go crazy? Where is the healthy balance? Where is the middle ground in which I can still serve my purpose but not feel completely lost. I feel lost. I am lost. Where am I? Who am I? the more I know and the more I find out the more I realized I don’t know and get amnesia. I just want to cry. I have so much to give so much to offer and so much talent. But it lies dormant and what will wake it? What will it take? My life is not what I expected it to be but it took me 26 years to get here. For the most part I am happy with the outcome but another part of me knows I had hoped for much more. Where did I get lost? But you can not go back so how can I change it now? For the most part I feel like I have given my all into changing for the better to be true to myself. But another part of me feels this disparity , this subtle but powerful voice that says I can’t do anything. Like I am just waiting for something to happen to know my time is right. I feel like that time is now. When will I put my hard work to the test? I can’t keep letting myself down. I can’t be perfect. I feel so overwhelmed, so alone. I live this life on the outside and another life on the inside. Why can’t I express myself? I am getting better. I am so stressed. Lots of energy. Maybe I need to work on those shielding techniques I think are so stupid. Maybe they aren’t so stupid if they could help.

All that I have learn I feel I have lost. But I know it’s temporary. Like I am being left to my own devices as a test. It feels forgotten and it feels stolen.

Maybe all that I have learned and all that energy I collected has been used? What if I have used it all to help in a greater cause in some sense? What if I am depleted because I sacrificed it all for the bigger picture? After all, that is what I am told. It’s like everything is happening in another dimension. I just need to realize everything is perfect and how it should be right now. Always.

Ive never admitted I was lost before. I always felt so sure I was on the right path. But am I lost? If so I’ve been digging the hole for quite some time. Wouldn’t know where to start to get out. Goodbye. It’s like I am letting go of everything I ever knew. It’s quite painful but it’s like I’m just letting it happen without a fight. I’ll let the tears come as they come and won’t judge myself. I’ll actually enjoy it. I let the good times roll and slow times go. It’s like I know it’ll be okay. I’m letting go of all I ever knew or thought. And I’m fine with that. Oh my, the lessons I have learned.

I feel like sitting here just sitting here and releasing all this emotion and anxiety is what I need right now instead of yoga. It’s good just to be alone and release weeks worth of information and stress. The feeling is unlike any other. A couple years ago I probably would have gave myself a hard time if I felt like this. It feels good. So good. If I were to die, I’d want all I care about to know who I am. It’s so hard being a good person in this world. Sometimes I put my mask on to survive and that’s it. I’m sorry. My intelligence is put to use on earth. Know that I never gave up that I was just playing the game. I was just playing along and playing dumb, exactly what I’m good at. Except I really don’t know what the game is or my part in it. My heart is so big. I’d do anything for a stranger but some days I want to run away because it’s so much. I would never do harm. I’m sure I have but not on purpose. Please know that I’m not scared to die. Please know when the time come, I will want to go. My body is weak and my heart breaks. I must be needed elsewhere. Trust me when I say there is a god. Maybe not the god you imagine. I have spent every moment asking these questions and finding answers. Please don’t think I haven’t been. Some days I don’t believe myself. For some reason I am connected to source a little bit more than others. Although we are all capable and that is my message. I’ve always seen the good in others because it existed in me. I see that now. In my eyes, you all were amazing. But most people have good in them. Most. Or remnants of it which act as ghosts in which I would come across and think they were real. But they aren’t real. Neither were the remnants of your good. I’m sorry I see the best in people. But in my eyes you saw yourself. I am a mirror. As most of us are.

I’m sorry I am so weird. I’m sorry I can’t be like you. I’m sorry I get taken advantage of, but not so much anymore. I’m sorry all my qualities get mistaken for everything it’s not. I’ve come to terms with a lot of my problems and internal struggles and yes I did have a lot of problems but not anymore. I feel freed from my past, all of it. I have come out on the other side as a completely different person.
I fear I bring the worst out in people. That is what I am finding out. If it exists in them, it will appear. At least I can spot the weak and cruel, no minds of their own. Maybe that’s my purpose. I’m god’s amulet. Just going about testing people. Just when god thinks these people are good, here I come to prove him wrong. So he says, there it is, I knew they didn’t change or I knew they were faking. Yes, that’s me. I could see that actually. Because it instantly comes out when I’m around. But being an amulet, I sure as hell don’t protect from evil things, more like invoke them. More like a curse which never effects me. But I can also bring out the good in people. It’s whatever they possess the most.

Sometimes the literature I read about these things could use each other. The ones that are passionate about what they think the truth is is always missing a piece like if they weren’t so biased, they could use another link .
That’s what I was forgetting. All my suffering, but suffering makes you forget.But after all that….

You will remember everything.

(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved). written in 2012 before it was forgotten.

I’ve Learned; Dreams

These eyes cannot unsee

what they have seen

dreams of you every night

as if you’re still in my life

instead of the usual dread I felt

I began to change my reaction

I started to think maybe you weren’t so bad

and then we started to get along.

I don’t want anything to do with you

not after everything you put me through.

The dreams remind me of dark times

and my only solace was knowing

you were in jail.

After everything you put me through

your’re a danger to society

and to me.

You made up lies to spread,

abused me and my mind

all I did was do my best

to leave you forever.

But now you haunt my dreams

turn them into nightmares

except I have moved on

and you don’t bother me

I thought you had a message for me

but it was the other way around.

I say….

Goodbye, forever,

stay out of my dreams

and quit haunting me.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

I’ve Learned; Shadows

You came to me

at my most vulnerable time

shadows lurking in my room

not quite awake

and not quite asleep

trying to take my innocence away

I still remember that day.

You were standing in the doorway

while another was lurking in the corner

like a hunchback

if I ever saw one.

The shadows were everywhere

because I was weak and hurt

that just shows you are afraid

afraid of my presence

and what I can do naturally.

Some search for it

while others are naturals

it’s easy to get rid of you

and all the creeping around you did

as I was pulled from your arms

I let you know

you can’t take away my innocence

or my ability to grow.

You had something in your hands

you were trying to intimidate me with

but as I awoke

you disappeared

you have no power here.

I know you’re type

the ones who see me as vulnerable

to only take advantage at my weakest

but I am weak no more

I survived the shadows

of those who wish to do harm

or showed me I am not the darkness

but I am the light

a natural light

who defeated you

in my room on that night.

 

(copyright Kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).

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