At night i sleep. I sleep really good. But i do not dream like i used to. Where are my dreams and why did they go away. I love dreaming and remembering my dreams the next day. I just sit here and want to cry because something big is happening. There is transformation taking place and a metamorphosis only god can witness. I’ve asked for forgiveness , I’ve repented, I’m the fool. I’m so sorry i hurt myself so many times for far too long. I dread the consequences but all i can is wake up to a new day and go on about my business and stay positive. Everything still hurts so bad, I’m blocked from crying. Something has swallowed my soul or my soul is nothing but strength…..bold.
My soul cries from a distance and has been crying for 7 years straight if you can imagine. I just want to physically cry to get on my knees and thank god for everything but how? Why am i blocked from what i need to do. Why can’t i just cry? Oh the shame.
Well one thing is for sure and that’s the fact i am happy despite my every effort to Sabatoge myself. Over and over for what felt like eternity. I can’t hate myself but i can hold a grudge. Come on, cry….
Oh this writing sucks the life out of me, my blood is this ink, my body this paper, and the smears, my tears. I can’t live in a bubble, under a rock. I can’t live as if i do not suffer and many others as well. I can’t live like i don’t exist. Because i do. I matter and so do you. But for far too long I’ve been told that my life does not matter, let me die, they did. Without a wince. Well here i am and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here waiting…..