It’s like handing over everything you ever worked for
For voices
That I already lost everything
Before I saw it fall apart
And dissipate
Like my appreciation
For love and beauty
It’s like losing
Before you know you lost
So you put up a grand fight
And they fight back
That all the evidence and clues
Amount up to losing anyway
So I say take it
Help me disappear.
help the world forget me
Including my friends and family
Take away everything I love
And find beautiful
And see if it’s still there
It’s like having an art gallery
Destroyed
A home destroyed
A planet
A universe
That in all essence
It means
I’m not allowed to be human
I’m not allowed to hurt
Or cry
Or live
Or die
I’m not allowed
To be human
Because I was always young
Full of distractions
From what it meant .
But the pain of having your creations destroyed
Is the same as losing a child
Same pain
Same feelings
A longing in your heart and soul
For things you can never reach again
Because you don’t know where they are anymore
The future is uncertain
And so isn’t what happens after death and destruction
And yet I have to hold the pain
When I shouldn’t even feel it yet
It’s like being in the afterlife
And watching your life
And what people do behind your back
What they really think
How can the truth be brainwash?
It’s not
It’s just more painful
And harder to hold
That they win
Nothing more
Than pain.
Their creation is pain
And mine happiness
But neither should exist
If I can’t have my happiness
Than they shouldn’t get their pain
But I am like a tragedy
All tragedies
That ever existed
Exist in me
And now I know
What the look on people’s face mean
That they are sad for me
And if I let go of blaming myself
I can feel sad for me too
Everyday brings more reason
To just let go
Of everything
And remain alone
As I’ve always been
But sometimes just trying
And witnessing a hope
Can only cause the futile attempts
That are really false hopes
Over and over again
Like I am torturing myself
Just by trying
Just by giving people chances
But if they want to just leave me here
To suffer
With the voices
And how someone who believed in everything
Can become surrounded by those who don’t believe in anything
Than I’ve really been abandoned
And that I was right about everyone
In my life
And there’s no future
That’ll make them see or believe in me
They’ve hurt me the most
And the voices are just here
To hide the evidence
That I ever meant anything to anyone
But in my memories
Are the truth
That right when I need something
No one is there
It’s everyone opportunity
To kill me slowly
