When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

I’ve been hated it in numerous ways and everybody’s got a different way and A new one each day. I’m not bad I’m just written that way. Or should I say read aloud that way.Language is like music. And I can interpret both it’s a gift. I chant like a shaman and I rock like a goddess. I’m in the tune of empathy and bitterness you can’t foresee. But what I really see is a girl looking back with a genuine smile on her face. One that doesn’t look at The past with bitterness but happiness to the tune of justice wrapped in Pure vengeance pure adversity defeated busting social boundaries destroying her fears. Accumulating past life experience and wisdom through the years. Brave enough to love again and never stop. Brave enough to procreate because she’s experienced way more pain than that. Way more than she like to remember at this point. But excruciating pain of torment and terror that she dissolved overnight. Making sure she paved the way for her childrenAnd her children’s children. Resolving all doubts and mistakes and things that went against her self to step out from being a warrior and into the woman she is now. That if life is a journey she excelled and if life was a test she got straight A’s. And if there’s karma she paid her dues. But how can they doubt a mind that’s clear and a heart that’s pure? Why at your lowest do people kick your head and call you a whore. Why at your lowest do people want to see you fail? Why can’t anybody be happy for me? Why must it always revolve around jealousy and games? Why do people insist on becoming my enemy? Did I think once the lines been drawn that I’m gonna step to their side? Because I know they’ll never be by my side and that’s my choice. That truly all I need is love and how can anyone say humans are social creatures? When once we get there we do anything to get out well I would do anything to get out of being social and popular. What I demand is respect even if I have to use force. So that’s what I did. That you cannot disrespect me. So I asked why they would question a clear beautiful mind and appear stable heart? Can I see it? No. Because it does not exist and then so how can I see it in me? It’s like all memory of me has been erased and I think God for that. Even if I did it myself it was exactly as planned and now my fruition of being forgotten and getting my stuff back work all those people that I wasted my life on no longer have me memories and all. Therefore I can remove that toxicity and become fully me without any outside influences and without any person playing to the tune of my empathy. I’m not your harp and I’m not your sister. I am a soon to be wife and mother and I would give up everything about my past my dark past and fake people and attitude for all that. It is so easy to put drinking in the past and the road that got me there has no words besides being in my 20s and experimenting with myself. That those dark times created delusions but delusions that could be deciphered as truth somewhere in the back my mind. But the truth is my grandmother said never to take a sip and I should’ve listened. But by then it was too late I was addicted to being social I was addicted to being popular. I was addicted all right just not to the substance but the feelings that only destroyed me in the end. I did things drunk that I would never do sober so when I say no regrets I have to disagree although I can live with it and have repented as I prepare for marriage I can honestly say I wouldn’t of gave them the time of day if it weren’t for the alcohol. I literally would not. But I have a huge heart and all my good qualities got trampled on. And in the end it was the thing that got me attempted murdered. That I never even would’ve talk to him if I wasn’t drunk. That one night I decided to let loose and not think and just experiment and have fun without thinking much of it without protecting myself essentially but back then I was on a warpath and I’m retired. I guess the warpath led me straight to the enemy does I let my intuition take over led me to Wyatts subliminally I wanted most which was death. And love. That the factsOur war can get you killed or murdered. And someone might destroy love along the way but that’s OK you find out who is weak and who is strong you find out who’s phoney and who’s real. You find out who loves you and he just wants to fuck you. To break it down and terms understandable. But if I was asked if I would trade it for anything else I would night. Maybe I would’ve made better grades but that’s just about it. I was in a straight A’s instead. I would’ve done what I was capable of doing but the final go always always love. And if I showcased love on a grand scale how can I feel bad? If instead of getting straight A’s I was displaying truth in love I think it’s a fair trade. But I’m thankful for all the heartbreak I’m thankful because it gave me the fuel the fuel to really go out there and find it. And every move I made was one step closer towards love. That I was living two separate lives and it showed and I didn’t expect anybody to understand it and no break up really affected me in a negative manner I was always relieved and it led me to my future husband.

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