I’ve Learned; Blaming God
Now I know why I started to get mad at God
because when I would talk about him
people would tell me to be quiet.
They wouldn’t believe a word I said
although I was just talking
not forcing them to believe.
I began to be angry
when something I knew was true
was being laughed at
or pushed aside
as if I was crazy.
So I began to think God was crazy
and now I know how it feels
to be him.
I am like a prophet
who can’t be understood
because not even God is understood
not even by me
as I remember now
why I held a grudge.
I’d cry and look up at the night sky
remember why I started to doubt you
because no one ever listened
so I kept it to myself
for you only to reveal more and more
while I felt like I was going crazy.
Now I forgive you
it’s what we both needed to do
forgive each other
and let go of grudges
because now I don’t care
if anyone listens
or if anyone cares
all that matters is that we grow
from all these misunderstandings.
I’m not here to push an agenda
I’m just saying the things
I’ve been wanting to
since I was a little girl.
When I was first shown things
that can’t be explained
but here it would be called a breakdown
a collapse of reality.
That’s fine with me
it can be our little secret
you know I was upset
as I cursed you
for making me this way
when all I wanted to do was be normal
my whole life….
but now I know that’s not how you made me
I am meant to be free
free from being normal
free of resentments and grudges
towards you…
I no longer blame you
or look for signs.
You are within me
forever confined.
(Copyright kerrious 2015 with all rights reserved).
