On my way I walked right through
the water, rocks, and trees,
gazing strictly onward at a steady but wistful pace,
knowing my destination would be a dark room in a cave,
where I was supposed to still see,
all those who loved and understood me.
When I got there I was not scared,
Except I was alone in the dark.
Where were they?
No one loves you while you are alone and in the dark,
yet someone was there, I just didn’t know who.
At first, I felt nothing but apologetic
I’m sorry; on replay, and the aching to go with it.
Tried to visualize family and friends
I still felt, they didn’t love and understand me,
as they materialized; halfheartedly, in front of me.
Then I realized I was thinking
of all the people I loved and understood
not the other way around, because everything is upside down.
In the end, just because you love them
doesn’t mean they love you.
And I could not really believe those I thought of
truly loved me, not like I loved them.
Because I didn’t love me the way I love you.
Then I started to cry because it felt so liberating
yet self defeating…in the dark.
that someone who was there…spoke up,
as I asked for help.
I was upset yet willing, and a strong urge for the truth.
I told them to bring it on, that I would keep loving anyway,
that the realization wouldn’t break me,
because I do love and understand myself.
Yet there are no words for how I feel.
I just didn’t understand you, your connection to me, or reason to be.
Then I felt engulfed in an immense feeling of appreciation,
that I should keep doing what I’m doing.
That those people love me the best way
they can and could at the time and that I am never alone.
When I got back to where I started I stopped at the water
and let it take me along with it for a while.
On every venture back the destination seems to become more clear,
so you notice the water, rocks, and trees as you have no place to be,
you always felt certain you were connected to it all,
because if you embrace the fall instead of run or look the other way,
you are born again and you begin to navigate the waters of life
in a way only you can comprehend.
As you navigate you begin to notice despite the rocks and trees,
I really do love and understand you as you love and understand me.
(Copyright Kerrious 2014 with all rights reserved).