My mind is clear
Yet full of thoughts
Of always fighting
But now that it’s over
Who really won?
The things I had to sacrifice
In order to heal
And the way I deceived myself
Just to not feel
But the truth
Takes away the pain
The truth
Will make me feel
Again
Making myself in an image
Just so they
Won’t know
My truth
Ecuador they are the enemy
Never understanding
Just thriving off
The deceit.
I give my heart to my thoughts
I give my thoughts to God
And god makes them me again
After all the
She’s stupid she’s ugly
She’s not good enough
She ain’t the one
All the wasting of time
Combines into my fortune
But I don’t feel like I wasted any time at all
Actually
That as long as my heart was in it
It was time well spent
I hold no redeeming
No anger
That only the cure has allowed me to see
Who is really speaking for me
And those who think they have perspective
Believe what they hear
Never trust a happy ending
Never trust a thought
Or that it comes from you
Their pollution
Spiritual drainage
They are the ones like a sponge
But without us
Could they?
I’d like to know their strength
Not mine
I’d like to know their ending not mine
And I’d like to know their reasoning
Not mine
Their thoughts
Not mine
So I have
There lies the polluted atmosphere
Where I create a bubble
Around me
To survive
As I my head cools
So does my heart
As my head cools
My heart freezes in time
And the feeling burns
Like the fire forged
From a warrior
Of mass recognition
And achievement highest
Spectacle
And an illusion
Built all around her
To trick her
Make her fall
Lose it all
How they think they had a chance
And still do
They deny me
What I’ve created for myself
They deny me my hallelujah
But my heart doesn’t
My hearts fire moved to my eyes
To become real
And through these miracles
I cleanse the air
The very same air
That speaks
Is the very same thing
That betrayed
Me.
I hear them
Loud and clear
Over and out
Inside and outside
They’re terrified of me
I push them away day and night
I sobered up
I took a shower
I got dressed. I ate
I replinished
And starved
And my head is throbbing
With the desire to hurt
But I do not find that hurt
It’s searching
Stressfully
Reaching and pulling
At anything
Different
Or anything the same
Any of the same abuse
Any of the same
But it’s gone….
The tragedy has been alchemized
Into a beautiful existence
Only I can decipher
If I choose
And only I can get dressed in the morning
And only I
Can starve myself
Of all that is bad
For me….
I’ve absorbed the heartache of many
I’ve absorbed the words
In all actuallity
The few
But these few
Do not define society
And the world
In which I live in
Only the few say I’m stupid
Only the few would go out of their way
To harm me
Only the few
Would continue to do so
If you could only see
What it means to be me
A desolate island
Encompassed with all necessities
Like the circles of life
And cycles
Renew
Every season
I wait for the feast
And the gifts
From God
I upgrade to first class
Round trip tickets
In a destination
For a place
To call my own
Home…
I want to travel the world
See what I’ve been missing
I want to smell new smells
And hear new words
I want to meet others
And invite them
To my sovereignty
But I’m very picky
A round trip
Around the globe
May my fear of flying
Rest In Peace.
May I find the others
May I travel
My dna
My ancestry
In order
You
It was all for you
Never once
Did I pretend
Never once did I use
You
You
What can I say
You got it your way
I still slay
You
In my dreams at night
I forget the fight
But not you
You
Are unholy
You are
Not a man
Us
And them
Us thrived while alive
Them refused to let me in
They tore us apart
And you
You let them
Now I hear your doing okay
Hanging with the same ole
Ones
Who didn’t want you happy
But you
You made me very happy
Like I found my other half
Of my soul
And you
To loose you
Has been near death
You
Just don’t understand
You
But I do.
Oh my love
Terrible but true
Oh my life
What happened to you
My love
My darling
My everything
My air
My life
How could you not see
Me?
Oh my love
I almost died
Collapsed in panic
Cause I thought you were the one
We met as kids
In your terrible life
That you’ve somehow
Coped with
By tormenting me
Oh the torment
My love
Was almost over
But you ran
Why so scared?
Why attempt
To kill
The very one
Who was your soul mate
A cycle
That can’t be replaced
With others
Only me.
I was your power
I was your future wife
I was the one
All right…
But these nights aren’t so bad
With all it’s abundance
I stood at the gates of love
To only have you back down
Shot down
Into the crowd
Vision after vision
Pain and torture
Was too fast for you
So you blew a fuse
I’m the one you
We’re looking me
It’s like being a hollow vessel
Silently screaming
For someone to take your hand
And not a ghosts
Someone to hear you
And recognize you
From a past life
But then I realized
He’d been stealing for centuries
Everything he did
I did it for him.
My liberty
Lies
In a great pursuit
Of eons
Of me and you
Taking turns
To find each other again
And we did
Except they tested
And tore love apart
Destroying all things
Virtuous and true
Including you.
Sorry I tried to save you
I loved you.
I think of you
Not in spite
But to feel
Close
To you
Again.
At least in my thoughts
Our love remains
And I’d shoot
My brains out
To forget.
Love is a conduit
Of true character
Exposed.
And at the gates
You are eyed upon
As unworthy
Unless you are
There
I overcome
All the lowliness
You
Bestowed
Onto me.
If nothing wants to kill me
But you
Because
You were told no
That’s just sad.
Thank you
For the save
Thank you
For the mind
And thank you
For the heart
Pure
And raging
With the howls
Of Hell
And chords
Of heaven
If you can
Try again
And again
Never give up
Your hard work
Will pay off
So I wait
For my soulmate
Forever
Because
That’s what we do
In the scheme
Of life
Time is everything
And like false gods
There are false
Soulmates
Tricking you
Just to feel
Your love
There’s those
That wish
To devour
Your heart
And mind
And reverse
Your saving
Your hard work
But they are futile
I their attempts
Because
They haven’t no love
My love…
And they say
Love doesn’t matter
No value
They say
The torture
Will continue
But I know
The departed sea
And the chiseling
Of new laws
My worth
My worthiness
Dwells
In the priceless
The invisible
And most valuable
In tears
And thoughts
And feelings
That never lead
Me
Astray
And I’m gonna
Keep it that way.
Lying to myself again
Or lying to you
Deceiving myself
Or deceiving you?
In the future I see
You begging for me
Needing me
Like I needed you
Saving me like
I saved you
And rewarding me
A prophet
Makes profit
And it isn’t yours
Give me what’s mine
Or I’ll destroy time
Give me what’s mine
What’s mine
Isn’t yourself
Give me what’s mine
Or you’ll choke on blood
Give me what’s mine
What’s mine
I’ve blacked out
For the last time
