When Curiosity Doesn't Kill You……YOU LEARN. More Than Just a Breathe of Fresh Air

It’s like handing over everything you ever worked for

For voices

That I already lost everything

Before I saw it fall apart

And dissipate

Like my appreciation

For love and beauty

It’s like losing

Before you know you lost

So you put up a grand fight

And they fight back

That all the evidence and clues

Amount up to losing anyway

So I say take it

Help me disappear.

help the world forget me

Including my friends and family

Take away everything I love

And find beautiful

And see if it’s still there

It’s like having an art gallery


A home destroyed

A planet

A universe

That in all essence

It means

I’m not allowed to be human

I’m not allowed to hurt

Or cry

Or live

Or die

I’m not allowed

To be human

Because I was always young

Full of distractions

From what it meant .

But the pain of having your creations destroyed

Is the same as losing a child

Same pain

Same feelings

A longing in your heart and soul

For things you can never reach again

Because you don’t know where they are anymore

The future is uncertain

And so isn’t what happens after death and destruction

And yet I have to hold the pain

When I shouldn’t even feel it yet

It’s like being in the afterlife

And watching your life

And what people do behind your back

What they really think

How can the truth be brainwash?

It’s not

It’s just more painful

And harder to hold

That they win

Nothing more

Than pain.

Their creation is pain

And mine happiness

But neither should exist

If I can’t have my happiness

Than they shouldn’t get their pain

But I am like a tragedy

All tragedies

That ever existed

Exist in me

And now I know

What the look on people’s face mean

That they are sad for me

And if I let go of blaming myself

I can feel sad for me too

Everyday brings more reason

To just let go

Of everything

And remain alone

As I’ve always been

But sometimes just trying

And witnessing a hope

Can only cause the futile attempts

That are really false hopes

Over and over again

Like I am torturing myself

Just by trying

Just by giving people chances

But if they want to just leave me here

To suffer

With the voices

And how someone who believed in everything

Can become surrounded by those who don’t believe in anything

Than I’ve really been abandoned

And that I was right about everyone

In my life

And there’s no future

That’ll make them see or believe in me

They’ve hurt me the most

And the voices are just here

To hide the evidence

That I ever meant anything to anyone

But in my memories

Are the truth

That right when I need something

No one is there

It’s everyone opportunity

To kill me slowly

My mind is clear

Yet full of thoughts

Of always fighting

But now that it’s over

Who really won?

The things I had to sacrifice

In order to heal

And the way I deceived myself

Just to not feel

But the truth

Takes away the pain

The truth

Will make me feel


Making myself in an image

Just so they

Won’t know

My truth

Ecuador they are the enemy

Never understanding

Just thriving off

The deceit.

I give my heart to my thoughts

I give my thoughts to God

And god makes them me again

After all the

She’s stupid she’s ugly

She’s not good enough

She ain’t the one

All the wasting of time

Combines into my fortune

But I don’t feel like I wasted any time at all


That as long as my heart was in it

It was time well spent

I hold no redeeming

No anger

That only the cure has allowed me to see

Who is really speaking for me

And those who think they have perspective

Believe what they hear

Never trust a happy ending

Never trust a thought

Or that it comes from you

Their pollution

Spiritual drainage

They are the ones like a sponge

But without us

Could they?

I’d like to know their strength

Not mine

I’d like to know their ending not mine

And I’d like to know their reasoning

Not mine

Their thoughts

Not mine

So I have

There lies the polluted atmosphere

Where I create a bubble

Around me

To survive

As I my head cools

So does my heart

As my head cools

My heart freezes in time

And the feeling burns

Like the fire forged

From a warrior

Of mass recognition

And achievement highest


And an illusion

Built all around her

To trick her

Make her fall

Lose it all

How they think they had a chance

And still do

They deny me

What I’ve created for myself

They deny me my hallelujah

But my heart doesn’t

My hearts fire moved to my eyes

To become real

And through these miracles

I cleanse the air

The very same air

That speaks

Is the very same thing

That betrayed


I hear them

Loud and clear

Over and out

Inside and outside

They’re terrified of me

I push them away day and night

I sobered up

I took a shower

I got dressed. I ate

I replinished

And starved

And my head is throbbing

With the desire to hurt

But I do not find that hurt

It’s searching


Reaching and pulling

At anything


Or anything the same

Any of the same abuse

Any of the same

But it’s gone….

The tragedy has been alchemized

Into a beautiful existence

Only I can decipher

If I choose

And only I can get dressed in the morning

And only I

Can starve myself

Of all that is bad

For me….

I’ve absorbed the heartache of many

I’ve absorbed the words

In all actuallity

The few

But these few

Do not define society

And the world

In which I live in

Only the few say I’m stupid

Only the few would go out of their way

To harm me

Only the few

Would continue to do so

If you could only see

What it means to be me

A desolate island

Encompassed with all necessities

Like the circles of life

And cycles


Every season

I wait for the feast

And the gifts

From God

I upgrade to first class

Round trip tickets

In a destination

For a place

To call my own


I want to travel the world

See what I’ve been missing

I want to smell new smells

And hear new words

I want to meet others

And invite them

To my sovereignty

But I’m very picky

A round trip

Around the globe

May my fear of flying

Rest In Peace.

May I find the others

May I travel

My dna

My ancestry

In order


It was all for you

Never once

Did I pretend

Never once did I use



What can I say

You got it your way

I still slay


In my dreams at night

I forget the fight

But not you


Are unholy

You are

Not a man


And them

Us thrived while alive

Them refused to let me in

They tore us apart

And you

You let them

Now I hear your doing okay

Hanging with the same ole


Who didn’t want you happy

But you

You made me very happy

Like I found my other half

Of my soul

And you

To loose you

Has been near death


Just don’t understand


But I do.

Oh my love

Terrible but true

Oh my life

What happened to you

My love

My darling

My everything

My air

My life

How could you not see


Oh my love

I almost died

Collapsed in panic

Cause I thought you were the one

We met as kids

In your terrible life

That you’ve somehow

Coped with

By tormenting me

Oh the torment

My love

Was almost over

But you ran

Why so scared?

Why attempt

To kill

The very one

Who was your soul mate

A cycle

That can’t be replaced

With others

Only me.

I was your power

I was your future wife

I was the one

All right…

But these nights aren’t so bad

With all it’s abundance

I stood at the gates of love

To only have you back down

Shot down

Into the crowd

Vision after vision

Pain and torture

Was too fast for you

So you blew a fuse

I’m the one you

We’re looking me

It’s like being a hollow vessel

Silently screaming

For someone to take your hand

And not a ghosts

Someone to hear you

And recognize you

From a past life

But then I realized

He’d been stealing for centuries

Everything he did

I did it for him.

My liberty


In a great pursuit

Of eons

Of me and you

Taking turns

To find each other again

And we did

Except they tested

And tore love apart

Destroying all things

Virtuous and true

Including you.

Sorry I tried to save you

I loved you.

I think of you

Not in spite

But to feel


To you


At least in my thoughts

Our love remains

And I’d shoot

My brains out

To forget.

Love is a conduit

Of true character


And at the gates

You are eyed upon

As unworthy

Unless you are


I overcome

All the lowliness



Onto me.

If nothing wants to kill me

But you


You were told no

That’s just sad.

Thank you

For the save

Thank you

For the mind

And thank you

For the heart


And raging

With the howls

Of Hell

And chords

Of heaven

If you can

Try again

And again

Never give up

Your hard work

Will pay off

So I wait

For my soulmate



That’s what we do

In the scheme

Of life

Time is everything

And like false gods

There are false


Tricking you

Just to feel

Your love

There’s those

That wish

To devour

Your heart

And mind

And reverse

Your saving

Your hard work

But they are futile

I their attempts


They haven’t no love

My love…

And they say

Love doesn’t matter

No value

They say

The torture

Will continue

But I know

The departed sea

And the chiseling

Of new laws

My worth

My worthiness


In the priceless

The invisible

And most valuable

In tears

And thoughts

And feelings

That never lead



And I’m gonna

Keep it that way.

Lying to myself again

Or lying to you

Deceiving myself

Or deceiving you?

In the future I see

You begging for me

Needing me

Like I needed you

Saving me like

I saved you

And rewarding me

A prophet

Makes profit

And it isn’t yours

Give me what’s mine

Or I’ll destroy time

Give me what’s mine

What’s mine

Isn’t yourself

Give me what’s mine

Or you’ll choke on blood

Give me what’s mine

What’s mine

I’ve blacked out

For the last time

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